T to the J to the O

Guess what's back?

2011-12-20T20:29:00.002-05:00

Thanks for all your support during the Red River Cereal Crisis of 2011 (RRCC '11). But guess what - it's back! Back on the shelves! With a sticker that says that it *may* contain traces of soy in it. All this because of a "may" situation. And Soy. Seriously? Who called that one in? Some anti-hippies from a mirror-world universe? Who the h**k hates soy?

So it's back. I bought a box but have not opened it yet. I need to force myself to finish the (shudder) Kashi cereals i've been eating in the interim. Seriously, i cannot believe i lowered my standards and bought something called Honey Sunshine. And then i can't believe that i legally changed my name to Honey Sunshine. It's just embarrassing.

I'm going to make myself some Red River next week because, hey, it's Christmas this weekend and it's the gift that keeps on giving.

Honey Sunshine...yikes.

More oversized novelty truck nonsense

2011-11-28T17:44:00.003-05:00

Sigh. Once again i used one of my best lines to dispatch a moron.

Zehr's parking lot. It's dusk. I am walking through the lot (not between cars) and some idiot in an oversized novelty truck comes tearing out from around the building heading towards myself & another pedestrian. He sees us (or so i think) at the last second, swerves & then starts screeching backwards into a spot - right where i am standing. I run to get out of the way. My 6th sense goes off telling me that there might be trouble from the driver. I make my way into the supermarket - i wasn't actually going there - but good self-defense teaches us to ensure we are not alone when crazy stuff happens. I can hear him slamming the doors & stomping his way over to me.

I get inside the supermarket & see him come in very angry looking. I turn my back, count to five & turn around & look right at him. I say, "Hi!" and he begins a tirade of nonsense. Shouting loudly, he tells me that i scared him to death because i ran behind his truck as he was backing up. I explain that he nearly hit me not once but twice & that perhaps he didn't see me because it was dark out (always give them a way to save face) and that there was actually another guy there too. He then begins swearing & making threats. As he begins to puff up gorilla style, I lead off with:

"Are you really going to talk to me like this in a crowded supermarket full of people?"

...and then deliver the classic: "your truck is a black Ford F150 and i can get your plate number in about 10 seconds".

Gears turn in his head as he does the math. I let him stew for a few moments before wishing him a Merry Christmas & walk away.

Be careful out there.

Red River ?

2011-11-24T20:56:00.002-05:00

I am sad because i can no longer find Red River cereal at the supermarket. I guess they've stopped carrying it. I was likely the only one buying it, and really i was only buying a box a month. That stuff was such a good deal - very healthy, easy to make and quite cheap. A 5 dollar box lasted me a month. I will have to check around to see if they have it elsewhere.

I started trying other cereals which means i will probably fall into the cereal trap again. I could eat breakfast cereal all day which is not a good thing. However, i'm still being smart about it. I've been using a measuring cup for it like i have been for the past year so that helps. My latest kick is a Kashi brand cereal named "Honey Sunshine". Sounds like a hippy folksinger, i know, but it's actually alright.

I miss Red River, though. True, it looks like birdseed, and maybe even tastes like birdseed but i like it anyhow. It reminds me of my childhood, when i used to sneak food from the bird's cage in our classroom at school.

Let me know if you see it anywhere.

American Horror Story

2011-11-05T15:00:00.002-04:00

The problem with the new show "American Horror Story" is that it's not scary. It would be like calling a show "America's Funniest Home Videos", but the videos aren't actually funny, so therefore...

The director/writers seem to be trying out the method of jamming every single possible horror movie cliche into a one hour program. That is like trying to bake a cake with everything in your fridge & cupboards and then expecting it to be palatable. Actually, *THAT* would be more horrifying than this show.

Horror shows are hard to do. Despite people's complaints about the Walking Dead, i'm enjoying that show. This show, not so much.

I appreciate the attempt but so far, not so good.

Metaluppalypse

2011-11-05T13:43:00.003-04:00

Someone (not me) needs to do one of those mash up style videos where you take a set of visual images & juxtapose them with an unexpected choice of music. Now, i do realize this may not fit the definition of "mash up" but if you care that much about it, there's nothing i can do to help. Seek a professional.

Metallica. Muppets. Wearing a preacher's collar.

Pastor of Muppets.

You have my permission. Just send me a portion of your royalties.

PS: don't tell Metallica. They have internet issues.

Fridge

2011-11-04T22:18:00.002-04:00

We got a new fridge last week which is good because the old one was out to get me.

It would freeze vegetables & ruin them. It would keep its own door open & intentionally ruin all of its own food! Who does that? Sometimes it would spew random puffs of vapour at me when i opened it, like a snorting bull. A bull that wanted to wreck all of our food.

Let's not even get into the drawer situation. OK, let's. Drawers too small to hold standard items of produce. A meat drawer that kept falling off of the track.

The worst, though was the mysterious disgusting trail of bilgewater that was leaking from the bottom. I know someone will chime in and talk about the drip tray here, and that's fine, but bilgewater is bilgewater and i am glad to see it go.

In fact, now that i think about it, i'm pretty sure that fridge was haunted. So it's good that we got rid of it. The new one seems much better. I've been told there is technically less space in it, but so what? If it ruins less food, so much the better.

Now, tomorrow, our new chest freezer shows up. Talk about living it up!!

Pizza party

2011-10-01T08:05:00.002-04:00

There's pizza, and then there's PIZZA.

In an age where big company pizza shops offer 4 for 1 deals there is very little room for the little guy. In a time where you can drop by and pick up a "hot & ready" pepperoni pizza for 5 bucks from a multinational corporation, it's tough for the mom and pop places (and seriously - if a large pizza costs 5 bucks, how good will it actually be?).

Most places use bad ingredients. Cheese that isn't actually cheese. Crust that tastes like it was made with Aunt Jemima pancake batter. Sauce that little kids would be proud to put on hot dogs & french fries. And what about the love? Where is the love? They *claim* to use love, but really it's just that pretend love people use just to get something they want from you (your G.I. Joe with Kung Fu grip, that box of Salt Water Taffy that you brought back from the shore for your sweetheart only to find that the person in question is now dating your buddy from your homeroom...or in this case, money).

Well, there's a pizza place down the road from us that makes their pizza with love. They don't have love for me necessarily, but they do have love for making pizza and it shows. It also costs a lot more, but it's worth it. They have also changed their name several times even though it's still the same owners. I think they're currently called Pizza Del Nonno. "Grandpa's Pizza", i guess. Last night i ordered one that had fresh basil, pesto & walnuts on it, amongst other things. It was delicious. Can you imagine Domino's putting walnuts on a pizza?

I wish there were more places like this around. It probably cost us more than twice what we'd pay elsewhere, but it was more than twice as good too. It's a trade off. If i was going to feed a football team i'd probably just order from Pizza Pizza and be done with it. But for special occasions (i.e. when i want pizza), i'll order the better quality stuff. I know many of you will tell me how you make awesome homemade pizza...everyone loves to brag about that particular item...but sometimes, you just want someone else to make it for you. I'll order from Nonno's or whatever they are called this week.

Clothes. Again with the clothes.

2011-09-05T16:39:00.004-04:00

I went out last week & bought clothes from a variety of crummy places. Some of these stores i used to dig, but not so much now. It really truly seems like all my regular clothes buying places have scaled back on what they carry. Example: i was very hard pressed (no pun intended...) to find wrinkle resistant shirts. Those were all the rage a few years back, but they cost a little more. Even the once reliable Mark's Work Wearhouse has truly cut down on their men's business casual selection. I used to go there & find a dozen shirts & pants no problem. I came out of there with one of each mostly because i just wasn't feeling it.

So the long and short of this is that i will be much more rumpled & wrinkled in appearance on a day to day basis. I know, joke away, but it's the truth. Of the 7 shirts that i picked up, only 1 is wrinkle resistant. The others already look like that unused kleenex you find in your pants pocket. Same with the pants - only a couple of pairs are wrinkle free.

Obviously the solution is to iron. Not likely to happen. But hey, at least these new clothes won't be the wrong size.

PS: here was part of my Facebook status the day i went shopping: "I went to Mark's Work Wearhouse (used to be awesome, not so awesome anymore), Old Navy (providing you with the cheapest prices anywhere courtesy of cheap South-Asian labour), Winners (it's the most confusing store in the world, looks like it's stocked by a combination of crack-heads, fengshui school dropouts and absent minded professors) and finally Sears (i buy the Arnold Palmer clothes and not to be ironic, but they put pins in all their shirts still like it was the 1960s & i always get stuck by one). I think i cobbled together enough outfits to get me through the first 1/2 of the year."

Summer draws to a close

2011-08-29T16:12:00.004-04:00

It's that time of year again - hug or laugh at a teacher (i'll leave the choice to you). I am of course looking forward to getting back to work, though i'm a little sad to see summer almost done.

What have i done this summer?

- went to cottages several times
- went to NJ & PA, USA
- completed an AQ course for school
- bought a Kindle (see last post) & have read about 12 books since i got it
- done lots of exercise
- not biked as much as i intended but still have biked each day for at least an hour
- continued logging my food & working on my weight goals (though cottaging & being away from home makes that much harder)
- visited family

I have not:

- done a lot of yard work
- cleaned the house from top to bottom
- biked as far as i'd wanted to
- bought school clothes that will actually fit & not be several sizes too big (will do so this week)

School begins next week, on Tuesday. I don't know if i'll be working much initialy. Last year i had a surprising amount of work in the first couple of weeks. I'm hoping that will be repeated this year. Summer's been fun but it's time to get back to it!

Books and Kindle

2011-08-05T09:09:00.003-04:00

I bought myself a Kindle e-reader last week. So far i really like it. I've read a few books on it. I know that many of you will claim you just like the feel of a real book or you don't see the need for it, but really, don't knock it 'til you've tried it! There are a number of advantages with the thing, namely:
- it's really easy on the eyes
- it's great for reading in bed as you don't have to worry about having one side of the book being easier to read than the other
- it holds a boatload of books.
- books cost less on it, and in some cases are free (either through piracy or www.projectgutenberg.com, etc)

I mean, truly, it's just a new application of technology. Books were a new application of technology at one point. I can just imagine when books first came out, people were probably complaining about them too, saying stuff like "but i LOVE the feel of scrolls - reading just won't be the same with those flat rectangular folding things" or "what about oral tradition?? Now we'll be able to pass knowledge down more efficiently and i just don't like that as much!".

Of course I still love regular books. I have many of them. For reading novels, though, i see nothing superior about reading them in a traditional form, other than for tradition's sake. Now if we're talking a nice hardback book with an interesting cover printed on good paper, hey, i'm all for it!

So i won't be burning my books...just yet.

back from vacation

2011-07-18T15:10:00.003-04:00

Someone should start a band called "the Yoga Poseurs". Or maybe "the Yogic Poseurs". It works on so many levels (well, 2, anyway).

We are back from vacation. We went to Ocean City & Philadelphia. Ocean City sounds like somewhere Aquaman might live under the sea, and when we arrived there it was actually almost under the sea. When it rains there, the streets flood quickly. My car is very low to the ground, so driving through 6 inches of water is enough to cause distress. But it all worked out! We had a great time thanks to my relatives. They really took good care of us. Same with in Philadelphia. Everyone was great to us.

I went sea kayaking with Mike. It was a lot of fun until we got far out & i started to feel sea sick. But i would do it again!

In Philadelphia i walked around in the park near my Aunt & Uncle's house a lot. It's a very cool park that connects up to other parks networked throughout the city.

I did magic tricks for my young cousins. That was fun.

I ate soft shell crab TWICE. I feel sort of bad for the crabs, being caught without their armor & all that, but they tasted good regardless.

Judo Part 3

2011-06-20T21:24:00.005-04:00

So i went to Judo for a few years. I learned a bunch of stuff on the mats. One of the interesting thing about martial arts is that you learn a bunch of stuff on the mats, a lot of intricate technique and then when you try it in the real world, none of it actually works. If you stick with it and use your head, eventually you begin to figure out what stuff works for you and what doesn't and why, and what stuff is so stylized that it only applies to your specific art and what stuff can translate into the real world.

Judo is often portrayed as simple, probably as a result of Western misunderstanding: if he pushes, you pull. If she pulls, you push. That's just a part of it. I remember early in my Judo studies i took that concept waaay too literally. A guy pushed me on the school bus so i pulled him hard...and he landed right on top of me. Had i learned about choke holds, this might have been an acceptable or possibly advantageous position to be in. It wasn't. I did, however, use one of the foot sweeping throws and pins that i learned in Judo while on a Scout trip. We got jumped by a bunch of older scouts, and one guy grabbed me by the collar with both hands. This was similar to the Judo grip i'd been working off of for a couple of years, so i went on autopilot & did the one thrown i'd done hundreds of times. It worked and i pinned the fellow and held him until he agreed not to be a jerk anymore.

Enough of the real world stuff. Let's talk tournaments.

I went to a Judo tournament on a Thursday night back in grade 8. My mother drove me through the fog to get to somewhere far away (it was really foggy). We arrived at the tournament and i remember walking in and thinking "this is crazy". We were in a gymnasium where there were about a dozen matches going on at once. I found out that i had to fight a guy from my own club first, which was awkward. I beat him because he flubbed two throws that i was able to reverse and i pinned him both times. Next up i had to fight a kid who was really cocky and i beat him too because he fought over confidently and i was able to get a hip throw on him. My third fight was against a kid named Moose. They did the matches based on age rather than size, and Moose was an early bloomer. He made short work of me. The funny thing was that i wasn't all that nervous about any of these fights, and there was a reason for that. That was it for me in the tournament.

When we first arrived, i recall hearing blood curdling screams coming from one of the areas in the gym. It turned out that it was where the girl's matches were going on. The screams were coming from these girls who were beating the crap out of each other, throw after throw after throw. They were animals and made the boys look like we weren't even trying. My fear was that i was going to have to fight them in a match. I wasn't scared to fight a girl (i'd been beaten up by girls before, so no biggie), but rather, i was scared to fight one of *these* girls who clearly had escaped from a maximum security prison for pint-sized Amazons. They were MUCH scarier than any of the boys. When i found out that boys didn't fight girls in this tournament, i was so relieved that they could have put me up against a (male) Sumo wrestler and i would have been happy about it.

I didn't win any trophies at that tournament but Gary did promote me to the next belt level (green).

Eventually Gary skipped town. I don't know why but he was gone. His sister took over the class. She was not as mean as Gary but she was still tough.

One day i woke up and my knee had ballooned up to 3 times its normal size. I don't know how this had happened (probably Judo) but i was on crutches & a cane for the next few months and then had to be really careful. The doctors never figured out what had gone wrong. I did not end up going back to Judo. I wish i had but what can you do.

******************************************

Before it all ended, i remember one night we had found a big 3 foot thick crash mat in the gymnasium. Gary wasn't around yet so a few of us took it and set it up on the stage below a balcony. We took turns jumping off the balcony (which was probably 6 or 7 feet up) and flipping & screaming down onto the crash mat. Gary walked in during the middle of this escapade, looked at us, shook his head and said "You guys are idiots. 100 pushups."

He was, however, trying to conceal his laughter.

Judo Pt 2

2011-06-19T21:56:00.006-04:00

Where were we? Oh yes, on the internet. I was writing about Judo.

When i began Judo, as i mentioned, we started doing 2 things. Breakfalls & pushups. My initial experiences with both were...challenging. The first standing roll that i tried had me careen off target (the ground) and i whirled crashing into a radiator attached to the wall. I remember seeing stars & the instructor told me, "not bad". If we got hurt, our instructor usually said something slightly positive. I remember getting thrown on my head & getting knocked out for a few seconds, and afterwards the instructor told me "that wasn't too bad".

I got better at breakfalls eventually and stopped falling on my head & getting knocked out.

Pushups were tough. As i mentioned, the first night i went to the club we were told to do a shocking amount of pushups. Everytime a kid talked during class, we'd all get 25 pushups. If a kid tried to argue with Gary or talked back, he'd get 50 pushups (our club was all boys). I struggled with being able to do pushups, but did get better at them.

Of course, there was motivation.

Gary had a rule: you could do the pushups assigned or you could fight him instead. Most of us would just opt for the pushups. One night a kid named Mike decided that instead of doing the pushups, he'd fight Gary. When i say that Gary would fight you, i don't mean that he'd spar with you. I don't mean that he'd toss you around. I mean that Gary would beat the crap out of you. He would throw students around full force and pull out all the stops. There are tricks that you can do to less experienced opponents when you're executing throws (you're tori if you're throwing) that, if done properly, will make the other guy (uke, if you're being thrown) fall a helluva lot harder and cut off your breakfall technique prematurely. Gary would do all of that. He wouldn't just sweep the leg - he'd doing over the shoulder throws that would have you sailing down from 6 feet up. He'd even do that move that you see Captain Kirk do where he grabs the guy, pulls him in, rolls on his back while planting a foot in the guy's chest and hurls him into the nearest space-wall.

This kid Mike decided that instead of doing the pushups, he'd fight Gary. Gary cleaned the floor with him. It was both exhilarating & terrifying to watch. The kid could not stand after because he was so exhausted and smashed up.

The problem was that this kid was a really funny guy but a smart aleck, so his mouth was always writing cheques that his...butt?...couldn't cash, especially when the banker was a 30 something year old black belt. He couldn't help himself. A few weeks later, he racked up a serving of 400 pushups by back talking. Gary asked him if he'd rather do the pushups or fight him again, and the kid thought about it & said "i'll do the pushups". He started doing them about 10 minutes in to class & did pushups for the next 50 minutes. He went hard at first, but then had to take breaks where he collapsed on to the tatami mat. He would start again. By the end of class, he still had about 100 more to do, but Gary told him "good job" and that he could finish them next class. He did.

I never talked back. Who says you can't learn from the mistakes of others?

That kid Mike, i can't recall his last name, but i do remember that he went on to the Olympics for Judo when he was older.

Judo

2011-06-18T16:40:00.004-04:00

When i was a kid, i wanted to sign up at a local Karate club for years. The problem was that the club was ridiculously expensive. I recall going by the club & asking about how much it would cost to join. I was told 600 bucks a year plus other costs. That was a huge amount of money back then. Obviously i didn't even take this to my parents to ask them.

I used to go to the library & get out books on martial arts. The Whitby Public library had a surprising amount of books on martial arts. The one i got the most was one on Judo. It had a picture of a really angry looking white guy on the front with the title "Judo: Japan's Secret Weapon" which even then seemed utterly strange. Inside, the introduction of the book told you that if you studied this book, you'd be able to defend yourself against opponents two or three times your size (i weight about 90 lbs at the time, i'm 180 lbs now so that means i would have been able to defeat myself easily). The first chapters dealt with breakfalls, the standard grip, and things got more complicated from there.

One day i noticed that the program for the Y had shown up. I looked through it to see if they were offering anything interesting & saw that Judo was being offered! And it was only $40! For 3 months!! I knew that my parents would say yes, so i ran & asked my folks & was given the green light.

I showed up the first night not really knowing what to expect. The instructor was a big guy named Gary who actually looked like Chuck Norris except he had cauliflower ears (if you stay in Judo, you'll get these). Gary was what i would today refer to as a total hardass. He beat the crap out of us. He took no small joy in it - he took large joy in it. It's not that he wasn't a good guy, it's more that he was of the "if you can take it here, you can take it on the street" mentality. The first night he told us to drop & do 50 pushups. I couldn't even do 5, let alone 50. I will write a lot more about pushups another time.

We then began working on breakfalls. Over the next few weeks, i would come to understand that breakfalls are aptly named because first you fall, and then it feels like you broke something (ribs, arms, pride, wind, etc). I remember that we started out doing them as one sided somersaults, and i thought "that's not so bad". Then we did them as rolls from a standing position, and i thought "that's not so bad". Then we did them from on top of a partner from a standing position, going over the other guy's back and i thought "Holy crap, that hurts". It took a while to get used to actually executing the breakfall properly, but once i learned it, it no longer hurt so much (probably because i'd severed some nerves in my spinal cord). I will say this, though: out of all the things i learned in Judo, breakfalling was one of the most useful things. Just ask me someday about the time i wiped out going full speed on a longboard a few years back. Breakfalling & rolling probably saved me a trip to the hospital.

I'll talk about Judo more next time.

Martial Arts Part 1

2011-06-18T16:27:00.003-04:00

I am currently reading "American Shaolin", a book written by a fellow named Matthew Polly. It documents his journey & admission into the Shaolin Temple in China in order to learn Kung Fu & monasticism right from the source. The book is very funny. I just finished a hilarious exchange between the author & a young monk named Little Tiger. The two of them are going back & forth attempting to figure out whether Americans or Chinese have better curse words (Mandarin wins, hands down).

I've read other martial arts travelogues, or at least, i think i have. I can recall reading a book called "Angry White Pajamas" about a guy who went to Japan to learn Aikido. It was somewhat similar to this book in that while being very funny, it was also a very clear snapshot of a changing culture as photographed by an outsider.

I have not immersed myself this strongly in my attempts to study martial arts. I've taken trips here and there to attend camps & seminars related to various martial arts but i've not ever gone straight to the source to learn. My Arnis teacher has done so many times - he's gone on several trips to various places in the Philippines in order to learn more & more & always comes back with a wealth of knowledge.

However, i *have* been involved in martial arts for years. I've spent time studying various Japanese, Korean & Filipino martial arts in varying degrees. For example, i studied Aikido for 5 or 6 years and I studied Tae Kwon Do for 3 semesters...so yes, varying degrees. I will say this much, though - i learned some pretty solid lessons from everything that i've studied.

So maybe what i might do here is write down some of my experiences & lessons that i've taken away from years of (casual) study of various martial arts. I am absolutely not an expert on anything. I've switched horses a few times for a variety of reasons. I think that all of it could make for some interesting reading.

Let's start with Judo in the next post.

Losing Pt2

2011-06-17T08:47:00.003-04:00

An update on my weight loss goals. I think i last wrote about this in March. I'm continuing to monitor what i eat & drink & also exercising frequently.

For a while i got stuck on what is referred to in weight loss as a plateau. My original goal weight was 180 lbs, and for a month and a half i was hovering at about 185 or so and not really making progress. To remedy this, i changed up my exercise routine a bit. I joined the Guelph Kettlebell Club & kicked my exercise into high gear. Really high gear. I go twice a week & it's a helluva workout. Doing this for a few weeks has helped to blast me past 185 lbs. I also continued with things like bike riding, basement workouts, etc.

So now i've met my original goal of going from 215 to 180 lbs. I'm actually a little less than that (about 178-179). I'm going to take it down a little more & see how i feel & look. I would like to work on getting stronger without adding bulk. I want to be functionally strong, if you get me. Kettlebells are helping with this a lot.

The only downside to all of this is that none of my clothes fit - at all. They were all big before & now they're huge. I can't really afford to go out & buy a whole new wardrobe (even if i went to Winners & Value Village). Over the summer, i will be looking for bargain basement sales so i can replace my work wardrobe.

Let's see if i can keep it up (& off)!

Exclamation

2011-06-08T21:02:00.002-04:00

I like to read a variety of internet forums!!

Sometimes people only use one form of punctuation when writing! And if your choice is the exclamation mark, great!! But people will start to wonder if maybe they should be a little frightened of you! I myself prefer to reserve it for special occasions!!

Would you believe it's even possible to use it instead of a question mark! Did i not just prove it to be possible! That is odd!!!

I'm not a card carrying member of the grammar police but i do recognize a red flag when i see one!!

Yay!!!!

I myself like to use a lower case "i" when refering to myself, perhaps because it makes me feel on par with grammar-rebel flauntists like George Bernard Shaw & James Joyce! I need that sense of smug undermining superiority!! Or maybe i have a complex!

Man, that's EXHAUSTING.

Happy birthday to...me?!

2011-06-07T21:32:00.002-04:00

Yes, today is my 41st birthday. What do you do for your 41st birthday?

-get up & call Bell Canada to try to resolve an internet issue
-work in the afternoon & attempt to convince 8th graders that the "music bingo" lesson left behind for them is not lame
-buy the last couple of tubs of Vega powder from the health food place, only to later find out that your girlfriend tried to go in & buy them for you for your birthday...
-go for a mountain bike ride (without mountains)
-go on Facebook & be amazed at your friend's memories because they all wished you a happy birthday (question: has Facebook rendered this gesture meaningless? Debate)
-eat leftovers
-eat cookies
-go to see Thor but your only choice is to see it in 3D...which brings up the discussion of how much i hate seeing movies in 3D these days. They're - not - any - better - in - 3 - D. Not to mention the fact that having to wear 3D glasses over regular 2D glasses is a pain. Still, enjoyed the movie!
-come home & drink a birthday beer

That's what i've got so far.

Cat toys

2011-05-27T21:55:00.004-04:00

I have spent a good portion of the night digging cat toys out of the sofa & out from under chairs, the piano, etc. It seems like the sole purpose of the toys is to keep the cats amused for 3 or 4 seconds & then to get lost.

The younger cat likes to chase small balls around much like a dog might do. She actually will pick them up in her mouth & walk around with them. I have been trying to train her to drop them in front of me but so far thousands of years of evolution seem to be working against that.

The other cat doesn't really play with toys anymore, however, he does have a plastic spring that he goes bananas over. I keep trying to film video of him freaking out chasing it, but every time he sees me pointing the phone at him, he stops playing and just stares.

The best toys, though, are the cardboard boxes that are littered around the living room. Just like most children, cats tend to ignore the actual toys when there are cardboard boxes around. Though i doubt the cats are turning the boxes into a TARDIS and the like.

Bicycles

2011-05-05T21:05:00.013-04:00

You may have figured out that i have been collecting more & more bikes. The bike in the previous posting is a Raleigh Sprite. I bought it at Dis-a-Ray in downtown Guelph. My guess is that it's from the late 60s or early 70s. At some point i'll look up the serial # on the internet, but i'm not too concerned. I just know it's old & i like it. It's a 10 speed with a regular old deraileur system. I did have the original deraileur replaced with something a little more modern (though not much more modern).

Last week i picked up an early 70s Raleigh Sports for a decent price. Here is a picture of it:

I realize that it looks quite similar to the previous posting's bicycle, but perhaps a little more stoic. It DOES only have 3 gears, after all. In fact, here is a picture of the Sturmey-Archer 3 gear hub on the rear wheel:

Unlike the Sprite, the bottle generator & lights actually work on this bike.

Lest you begin to imagine that this more austere bike has no panache, i give you this view of the front fender:

I spent a bit of time trying to repair the gear shifting system on the bike this week. As i was riding to the library the other day, i lost my first gear. Further investigation revealed that the cable leading from the shifter to the hub was in fact far too lose & stretched beyond proper usability. I visited the local bicycle establishment & procured a replacement cable. This cable was of a slightly different setup, utilizing a screw & eyehole configuration on the business end (nearest the hub). We shall see if it holds up to rigorous usage. Having only 3 gears does force one to work rather hard.

There are a few more bikes in the garage: a lady's Raleigh Sports (1980s, likely), a CCM Elan (resembling but not quite up to the standards of a Raleigh), a 1960s Mexican 10 speed Windsor (complete with tubular tires), my reliable 80s Fiori 12 speed, a Manhattan Green bike 3 speed (a modern Americanized attempt at an updated very affordable English 3 speed) and a few others.

People rarely ask me, "TJ, if i were to need a bike to get around town, what would you recommend"? Well, i *do* wish they would ask this question because i would tell them not to do what i did for years. Do not ride a mountain bike around town. It's pointless. There are no mountains & in fact a mountain bike would be terrible on a mountain because it's so damned heavy. You could buy a so called hybrid but the bike shop will probably sell you something flashy & hip, it'll likely be stolen & then you'll be sad. If you're going to be riding across town to get to your job, i'd recommend getting something cheap & reliable. An old 3 speed seems like a good choice. You can pick one up at a garage sale or on Craig's List (though i don't know Craig personally). The Green bike i mentioned earlier would also be great & is less than $400 new. Will hills be difficult? Only for the first month. Then your legs will be strong and people would secretly admire you for them.

If, however, you're going to be riding FAR across town and up and down many hills, then do yourself a favour and pick up an old 10 speed. You know the one i mean. An older one won't cost you much & will weigh about 1/2 as much as that mountain bike you've been walking up Gordon Street. Yes, the tires are a bit more flimsy, but that's what riding carefully is for.

I say this because i simply cannot believe that i was ever foolish enough to ride a mountain bike with knobby tires twice daily for 5 or 6 km to my old job across town. A road bike would have saved me much hassle & sweat.

I have never tried riding a fixed gear bicycle, nor do i have any intention of trying to recapture my early late 20s/early 30s. I wasn't much of a hipster then and certainly am not now. Perhaps one day someone will lend me theirs & i will discover that i was wrong, but i doubt it.

My hope is that this summer i will learn a bit more about bicycle repair. That is one of my goals. Last summer my goal was to ride a road bike. I did not go incredibly far - my daily rides turned out to be about 35 or 40 km - but that was much further than i'd been road riding previously (0 km), so not bad all things considered.

2011-04-25T12:02:00.000-04:00

My favourite companion

2011-04-24T21:20:00.005-04:00

Elisabeth Sladen passed away last week. Her most famous role would have been that of the character "Sarah Jane Smith" on BBC's Doctor Who. I watched her in that role as a young lad & always thought that she was the best of the Doctor's traveling companions.

When you are dealing with characters in the Sci-fi & fantasy field, or any type of film where there is a fantastical element, you need to have a secondary character in place to ground the whole thing**. In Star Wars, we had Han Solo. In Star Trek, we had Leonard McCoy. In Doctor Who, we have his companions. The Doctor is such a bizarre, impulsive, madcap genius that he needs to have people alongside of him who make him appear more human (which of course he is not).

I always thought that Sladen did this best of all out of all the companions that were ever on the show. To be truthful, i haven't seen ALL of them in action, but i've seen probably 80% of them (i've seen little of the 6th, 7th & (why do we count that crappy) 8th Doctors & their episodes. If you watch the tribute that i've attached, you'll see evidence of this in her performances*. She brought a wonderful element of down-to-Earth humanity to the role.

They appeared to have killed the embedding feature for this one, so just click the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sH2_LFZpk5s

Another nice thing about her life & career was that after she'd been off Doctor Who for several decades, the BBC put her into another show based on the same character. The show did quite well & introduced Sladen to a new generation of younger fans.

**yeah, there are literary terms that apply here, but i don't feel the need to throw them around. Either that or i can't recall them. You decide which.
*thanks Justin S for posting this. It's really good, even with the typical slow song montage at the end (they did pick a song by a good artist).

Losing

2011-03-30T08:48:00.004-04:00

Hopefully this doesn't come across as an advert.

This is long and hopefully not ranty. I don't think it's ranty. This part might be though: if you've hung out with me in the past few months, you've probably seen me pull out my phone at mealtime & enter in a bunch of information regarding what i was eating or drinking. I probably told you that i was tracking the foods & drinks that i eat. You may have nodded approvingly or chalked it up as a slightly neurotic tic-y habit.

The long & short of this is that it's paying off.

Like so many of us, i lost my precious high metabolism** over a decade ago. There was a time when i could eat or drink anything & it appeared to have no consequence on my health or body. That time is long gone. Over the past many years, my weight has crept up to a place higher than i am comfortable with. Many years ago i began exercising more regularly, but did not lose weight, though i did feel better.

Months back, my buddy Mark McA told me about an app for the Android phone called "MyFitnessPal". It's a calorie counting tool that allows you to keep a food diary either through your smart phone or computer. It's dead easy to use. When you first sign up for it, you enter in a bunch of information i.e. age, height, current weight, how active you are in your daily life, etc. You then tell the program what you want to do with your weight. Do you want to lose weight? Gain weight? Maintain a current weight? The program then performs some calculations & provides you with a number that represents the number of calories you need to consume in a day in order to get to your goal weight. I'm sure some nutritionists out there might have questions about the specifics of it all, and i'll leave it up to them to figure that stuff out.

The program asks you how much you want to lose per week to get to your goal (or gain if you're trying to do that). I initially started out at 1 lb a week (i think of weight in terms of lbs rather than mass/kg. Sorry Canada.). I quickly changed to 0.5 lbs per week as i was having trouble staying under my calorie limit. I think it was in the area of 2500 cals per day - i forget the exact figure. Trust me, Christmas is a *hard* time for doing that.

Maybe you're wondering, "yeah, but how do i actually enter my food"? That's actually relatively easy. The website/app is connected up to a huge database. The database contains all sorts of food & drink. If i eat a banana, i can enter in "banana" into the search box & up pops a bunch of nutrition info for bananas. If i enter "60% less sodium Triscuits", those are in there too. Now, you have to be a bit careful & informed: many of these entries are inputted by people like you & me. Usually, they get it right. However, i have come across things like "salted butter" & when i've checked the sodium level in the entry, it was set to zero. Nice try. The good thing about looking up food is that most of us tend to eat the same kinds of stuff all the time, so once you find (for example) Ryvita Oat Bran crackers with correct information, you can use it over & over.

The program is also good because you can enter recipes of your own. For the past couple of months, we have been making a lot of pot pies. That means there's usually a bit of meat, a whole mess of root vegetables & some spices. It's terribly healthy. I usually enter in the weighed out ingredients into the program & save it under my own title (i.e. "another goddam pot pie", etc). I then weigh the whole thing & can figure out my individual portions by weighing them & doing some maths. I've also been entering recipes out of Brendan Brazier's "Thrive" book for things like smoothies, home made energy bars, etc. It's easy.

Yes, you say, but what if i do some calisthenics? Don't i burn extra calories then? Yes, indeed, you would. Not to fear - the program (sounding more & more intelligent, eh?) takes that into account. There's also an exercise database. You can enter in "cycling, moderate effort, 40 minutes" & it will do some calculations for you & give you a number of calories burned. This is of course an estimate. The best way to figure this out is to use a heart rate monitor that does these calcs for you & then enter in your calories burned. Here's the key thing, though: because the program has already figured out a # for you in terms of calories, it's really important to EAT BACK your exercise calories. All of them. If i'm allotted 2300 cals per day, and i exercise & burn off 300 cals, i need to consure 2600 calories that day. If don't exercise the next day, i need to consume 2300. This is because the 2300 figure already takes my weight goals into account.

I was foolish enough to start this whole project over Christmas break. That meant that i was often exceeding my goals by 1000 calories a day! That is insane - and yet oh so easy to do...sigh.

I've been trying to slim down for years. I haven't been grossly overweight, and i actually do a decent amount of exercise. I bike, i've trained at a boxing club (that's a great workout), i do martial arts. Heck, i've even done a few rounds of the terrifying P90X. I haven't really lost many lb/kg from exercise over the years. This is of course because of my diet (this would include food & drink, but more importantly, habits). I have actually eaten fairly healthy for years. I rarely buy things like cookies, cakes, ice cream, etc. I eat fast food about once every 6 months. I don't have snacks like chips in the house. For the past several years, i've tended to eat at home. I don't buy processed Lean Cuisine/Stouffers/crap meals. My main problems have been a) eating too much due to portion size b) thinking i was buying really healthy stuff that was actually not as healthy as i thought and c) see a).

I know that right now everyone is shaking their heads saying, "yeah, yeah, that's all common sense" but come on, how many of us actually - and i mean really - think about this in our day to day lives?

What myfitnesspal.com has helped me to do is to question what i'm eating & to try to set healthy limits on myself. Right now, i'd like to go into the kitchen & eat something, but i can see that i've eaten quite a bit already today & i really don't need to go in there. I'm up on my protein, below my sodium levels, below on my max carb level, etc & i would like to stay there. Of course this implies that i am trusting a computer program to tell me the numbers, but it seems to be in line with research that i've done and i'm feeling pretty good these days.

So the big question is how am i actually doing with this? Well, my goal is to get down to 180 lbs. I started using this program in December, and clocked in at about 220 lb right in the middle of Christmas treat time. As of today, i'm about 198 lbs, so i've lost close to 22 lbs. Now i would have lost the 5 lbs i gained over Christmas automatically (happens ever year) and been back down to my "normal" weight of 215, so i say that i've really only lost about 17 lbs. Of course you can't tell because i've wear baggy clothes that are too big for me.

I haven't really been exercising much more than normal. I've been doing 3 to 5 workouts per week for years, which might consist of cycling in the basement for 30-60 minutes or doing a Power90 workout (1/2 hour or so) or going to martial arts class (which is actually my least intense workout).

If i know that i am going to be going out for drinks or out to a restaurant, i try to do a bit of a longer more intense workout to add some extra calories on to my daily consumption. For the most part though, i am continuing to eat & drink things that i enjoy. I still shudder when people write/talk about switching from Young's Double Chocolate Stout to Bud Light...just walk around the block a few times briskly & enjoy the extra calories.

I am feeling pretty good overall. I'm no more tired than normal and feel pretty healthy otherwise. I did have a few days where i felt like utter crap. This was because i tried upping my weekly weight loss goal from 1/2 a lb to 1 lb per week. This was too much for my metabolism to handle & i ended up getting headaches, feeling quite off, etc. I quickly switched back to the smaller goal amount after a couple of days.

I am not going to post this for a little while longer because, hey, i might fail at this goal (though frankly i don't see that happening based on my progress). I'll hold off until i'm within 10 lbs of my goal weight of 180 lbs*. I also realize that people lose weight all the time & then gain it all back. That could happen to me, but i'm still proud that i'm eating healthier portions, eating better quality food & feel good.

Soon it will become about maintenance and that will probably actually be harder than getting to an ideal weight. I plan on continuing to track & log what i eat & drink in order to stay focused & maintain a healthy weight.

If you're interested in trying out the website, it's free & easy to use & you can ask me to show it to you sometime. Maybe it will help you with your goals.

**a nod to Brian H & a comment he made on an old photo on Facebook

*this was actually written over a month ago. I'm now sitting around 189-190 lbs, which puts me within 10 lbs of my first goal weight, having lost about 30 lbs...so i'm posting this now.

Another journal entry from grade 3

2011-03-07T08:45:00.004-05:00

This one's sort of oddly foreshadowing considering the tone that this blog took a year or so back. It also serves to remind that i was a Doctor Who fan even at age 8.

****
Fri. May 4th

Last night I dreamed that I invented a time machine. I went back to the the 1700's and the people didn't like me so they scared me. Then I went back to our time.
****

There were more red marks for this entry due to run on sentences & the like. My grade 3 teacher was not a particularly nice woman & i don't recall her being fond of children. My spelling & sentence structure was actually quite good back then - possibly better than now, what with the existence of that grammar destroying monster known as the internet.

Paddle

2011-03-02T20:03:00.002-05:00

As found on Facebook the other day:

It reminded me that way back in the 1970s, i wrote about this movie in my journal in grade 3. I've dug it up & will post what i wrote here. Here it is, i've found it.

PADDLE TO THE SEA

One night in Nipigon, an Indian boy carved an Indian canoe. It had a warrior inside it. When he was finished he put it on the snow. The ice and snow began to melt. The canoe took off. It went into the creek and the canoe sailed away. A long time later on Paddle was in yucky polotid (polluted) water. he was in Lake Erie. You see, Lake Erie was in a mess then. He traveled a little further. All of the sudden, a very very VERY big cargo ship was coming!! Two big doors began to open up. The cargo ship almost hit Paddle! At day every thing was safe except for on thing. He was coming close to St. lawerence falls! When he came a half an inch. He was falling down! When he got to the bottom there were a lot of rivers. He traveled up St Laurence river. He sailed for a long time. He ended up in an animal sanctuary. A boy who couldn't read found him. The boy put him in the water. He floated out. Then he was very far from there. Then got frozen. When the snow melted, away he went. A fisherman found and put him back. Then a man found him and brought him up to a light house and painted him and put him back.

There you go. Pretty much me recounting the story of the movie at age 8.

Here, a bonus:

Thurs May 3 age 8 grade 3
I was hurrying to school when suddenly a huge lion chased me. He had sharp teeth and a shaggy mane too.

Paperboy #4

2011-02-27T21:40:00.002-05:00

Sorry for the delay...but it's not like this is the morning paper or anything.

Let's talk canvassing.

When i worked for the Toronto Star, one of the extra things that one could do to earn money was to go door to door canvassing. Usually this was done under the guidance of a more experienced paper delivery person, so i went out & about with one of my grade school teacher's sons & a couple of other guys. They were a few years older & knew the ropes. Some of the guys were jerks who would try to bully me but my teacher's son kept a handle on things & would put them in their place. We would be sent a list of addresses by the Star & then would head out with forms & pen in hand. This work usually occurred on school nights, from i can remember.

Most often we were sent to apartment buildings rather than urban neighbourhoods. Apartment buildings worked well for this sort of thing because there were lots of addresses contained within a small area. You could cover a lot of ground in a short time. The idea was to go knocking door to door offering some kind of special deal on the paper, say, 2 weeks free delivery if you signed up for a 6 month period. I don't recall having a terribly high success rate, but i do recall meeting all sorts of crazy weird people.

Some people would be really happy to see you. I can remember an old lady who had a parrot. She answered the door, i gave my spiel, and said, "that's nice, would you like to meet Pedro?". I was caught off guard (and only 11 or 12 years old) so i said "sure". She went back into the apartment & showed up a minute later with a brightly coloured parrot who could say his own name & "who's a dirty birdy". She didn't end up subscribing, but i was impressed regardless.

Other people were not so happy to see you. A hulking bodybuilder answered the door, sweating profusely and shouted "I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FREAKING REPS HERE!!!", and slammed the door.

I also had a drunk guy who could barely stand answer the door & tell me it was nice that i was a reporter at such a young age.

Sometimes, though, people would actually subscribe. When they subscribed, the Star would provide you with a bit of cash & some points. The points could be put towards purchasing prizes. They had some pretty good stuff. I ended up with decks of Toronto Star playing cards, ball caps, tickets to see the Toronto Marleys & the Blizzard Indoor Soccer team, but the craziest prize that i ever got was a wrist watch radio. Now it wasn't like a Dick Tracy watch, but it could pick up FM radio (at least that's how i remember it) & had a little headphone jack that you plugged into.

I'm not sure what happened to that watch. I wouldn't mind having it now.

Paperboy #3

2011-01-29T10:50:00.002-05:00

One of the oddest parts of being a paperboy was the aspect of collecting. I imagine things are done quite differently now, but way back when, the money for the newspapers was collected by the person who delivered the newspapers. The schedule worked so that i had to go door to door once every couple of weeks.

I had a record book that detailed how much each household owed. Each account got one page, and about half of the page was made up of little tickets (chits) with a date written on them. As the customer paid, i would tear off a chit & hand it over to them. People paid in cash. I had one of those metal change making gadgets, the kind that held dimes, nickels, quarters & pennies. I don't actually recall how the money i collected actually got into the hands of the Toronto Star, which means my parents probably handled those details.

The strange thing is that i remember very little of the actual collection of money. I remember going from house to house, knocking on the door but from there i don't recall anyone ever actually handing me money. This is probably because from the moment the customer opened the door, i began unconsciously being affected by everything that was going on in the house at the time.

I suppose examples are in order. There was an elderly couple from down the street who seemed to experience huge mood swings whenever i knocked to collect money. They were either in the best mood in the world or the foulest. I would either get a very large tip (sometimes 5 bucks which was huge) or either of them would freak out on me about the cost of the paper. It took years to figure out, but i eventually realized that the smell that i sometimes noticed was that of whiskey, which explains the vast mood swings.

There was a guy who lived alone. Since he was at the end of my route, by the time i got to him it was usually dark out. His house would be brightly lit up. Whenever i would come knocking to collect, all of the lights in his house would go off & he would come & answer the door. I could barely see the money as it changed hands.

I can remember another couple who would give me conflicting orders. One of them would tell me that i was not to put the paper in the mailbox - it was to go between the doors. Then a few weeks later, one of them would ask why on Earth i was putting the paper between the doors? This sort of back & forth would go on all the time.

One good thing about collecting money was that it helped me with my math at school. It taught me about "counting up" i.e. if you owe me $4.35 and give me a ten, i would produce your change by counting up from $4.35 - 5 cents brings me to $4.40, 10 cents brings me to $4.50, 2 quarters brings me to $5.00, and then a $5 bill would bring me up to the 10 you gave me - thus your change would be $5.65.

The other good thing was Christmas time. Most folks were kind enough to give good sized tips to their paperboy. I made a lot of cash over the holidays.

Next time i'll talk about canvassing for subscriptions.

Paperboy #2

2011-01-11T09:36:00.004-05:00

For a while, i used a bicycle to help with my paper deliveries. I had a large basket installed on the front of one of my parent's old bikes that was big enough to hold a couple dozen newspapers. Obviously this made riding a little tricky, but some of the more faraway houses at the end of my route, it was a time saver.

Here is a map of my old neighbourhood:

I delivered along the length of Pringle Drive, as well as into the various courts. At the far end of Pringle there is a small court that appears to be unnamed on the map. It was here that one of my nemesis lived.

I cannot recall his last name, but his first name was Christopher. Not Chris. Not ever Chris, in fact. Christopher. We started out as friends & then one day he decided that we were enemies. I never found out why.

At some point, this young man decided that he would make my deliveries difficult by leaving out the family dog, attached to a long chain. In those days, we were supposed to put the paper directly into the mailbox unless told otherwise. If you didn't, the customer would usually call the Toronto Star & you'd be reprimanded. At first, when i arrived at this house, i would attempt to walk up to the mailbox but the (fairly scary) dog would throw a fit, snarling and barking. I would be forced to simply throw the paper up towards the door.

One day the dog was left off his chain. As i got off my bike, the dog came tearing down the driveway going 100 km an hour, barking its head off. I immediately jumped back on the bike and took off with the dog literally hot on my heels. The dog chased me out of the court, snapping at my heels & feet. I'm not proud to say it, but at a certain point i thought "enough of this" and kicked the dog in the head. Not hard enough to injure, but hard enough to elicit a whine and send him packing back home. Luckily enough i had no damage other than holes in my jeans from his choppers.

I got home and called the Star & told them what happened. They had a representative call up the customer & explain that if the dog was left out front, the paper couldn't be delivered. It happened a couple more times, and i simply passed the house by.

Collecting money was another story...

Paperboy: a Memoir

2011-01-10T14:32:00.003-05:00

I used to be a newspaper delivery boy when i was younger. I had a couple of routes. I started out with the Oshawa Times. John Daniels from down the street had the route prior to me, but had been dumping the papers into his family's yard & down into the ravine across the street to avoid having to do the actual delivery part of the job. I guess he did not realize that since you only got paid by collecting from customers. That sort of put a kink in an otherwise mastermind scheme.

So then, the Oshawa times was looking for a new carrier. I took the job and delivered for about 2 weeks. I then got an offer from the Toronto Star, a much more prestigious paper. They paid better and even at that age, i understood the concept of "head hunting", so i took the route. My brother took the Oshawa times route, which was smaller and probably better suited to an 8 or 9 year old.

I had the route for 3 or 4 years, as i recall. I will share some of my memories of that route.

Back then, the paper was delivered after school on weekdays and in the morning on weekends. Wednesday, Saturday & Sunday were the hardest days because the papers were bigger on those days typically. Saturday's delivery was the most challenging. Rather than the regular single bundle, the papers showed up on the curb in 3 heavy bundles. You then had to put the paper together - comics & TV guide into sections H through E, then into sections D to A. Bulkwise, the papers were often 3 or 4 times heavier than Monday or Tuesday's paper. My hands were always black from the ink on Saturdays due to all the assembly that went on.

I was lucky at one point to acquire a large blue metal delivery cart. It stood about a meter high, and the horizontal dimensions were about that of a flat newspaper. You would pile the papers inside and then drag the box around on its 2 wheels, kind of like an enclosed dolly. It was also good for dragging your brother or sister around inside, hidden behind the canvas curtain that protected papers from the rain.

Unfortunately the cart was all but useless in the snow, so in winter i would typically divide my route in half. I would do one end of the street first, and then the next after stopping at home to pick up more papers.

Weekends were harder because i would usually get up around 6 or 7 a.m. to start delivery. Saturday was hardest because of the extra labour & weight, and also because a lot more people had that day's paper delivered. I think at one point i was up to 50 or 60 people on Saturdays.

These days, it seems that it is mostly adults with cars who deliver the newspaper. They certainly have it easier now. Cars? That's cheating. I also recall that i had very specific instructions by each customer as to where they wanted the paper delivered. People would get mad if i made a mistake and put the paper inside the screen door rather than into the mailbox. These days, people just drive their cars by your house & chuck the paper somewhere onto your property. I often find it in the hedge, under the car, etc. I feel lucky if the paper actually is touching my property.

I will write more later.

Popcorn

2010-12-30T16:47:00.004-05:00

Oh, yes it is!

Wow, i did not know this existed until now. I considered myself a relatively decent fan of this former band, but this one is new to me:

I still contend that Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet were one of the greatest bands of all time. I saw them many times live. Because their songs were so short, their set lists were often massive - literally dozens of songs at every show. Those who dismissed them as a surf band were short sighted & not able to pull out the myriad of influences that came through in their music. Too bad.

This song certainly reminds me of doing the Health Hustle in school as a child and it was a pleasant surprise to find it today.

Tom Noddy

2010-12-29T09:54:00.005-05:00

I always take great delight in seeing someone perform an act. By "act", i mean a set routine of lines & actions coordinated and done mostly the same way every time. This could be a comedy sketch, a magic show, an old vaudeville clip, etc. The beauty of watching an act - and this sentiment tends to go against modern sensibilities - is that through constant repetition & refinement, over time an act becomes so finely honed that within a few short minutes, you're basically watching someone's life distilled through their art form. That's a wonderful thing, really.

The other day i came across the following video on my buddy Ben T's Facebook page. Watch the entire thing.

I was particularly impressed by the cube bubble. The whole thing is very unique & a lot of fun to watch. If you search around on Youtube, you can find clips of Tom Noddy doing virtually the same act, decades later.

I won't get into semantics over the use of the word "magic" in the description of this act. It's not really magic - i would classify it more as a series of brilliant stunts, or possibly juggling...though i would say it is magical in its own way.

You can check out Tom Noddy's website here. HEY CAM CONVENTION PEOPLE - WOULDN'T THIS GUY BE A PERFECT FIT FOR THE CONVENTION??

Pet peeve

2010-12-27T09:06:00.003-05:00

Oops, i forgot to post on Christmas to wish people all the best.

Let's talk about pet peeves. I've talked about them before here, i think. People have all sorts of pet peeves. "I can't stand it when glasses & cups are placed mouth upward in the cabinet". "I hate it when the paperboy puts the newspaper on the driveway*".

I think i may have claimed that i don't have pet peeves, but i do. One would be this: if you are driving on a busy highway, and you clearly let someone in, it should be automatic that they give you a little wave of the hand or a nod to say thanks. Most people do. MY PET PEEVE is those who do not. This bothers me because a) it's rude not to say thank you, and that's what the wave is all about in this context b) they probably think (in the most macho way possible - and ladies, women can be macho) that they took the initiative there through superior driving skills. No. I LET you in. Through my benevolence, and not through any bluster or bravado on your part, you were able to merge onto the crowded 401.

Which brings me to my final & absolute pet peeve, which is actually a meta-peeve because it is in fact about pet peeves. It's kind of a golden rule that i'm proud of. Here goes: it is always far more irritating to listen to other people complain about their pet peeves than the actual irritation caused by the pet peeve itself. I include myself in this. I realize this might defy some logic because i'm attempting to compare the irritation of more than one individual, but unless you have a pet peeve regarding that, you won't care so much.

It really is true, though. Listening to people rant about their pet peeves can be mildly entertaining, but only in that twisted way where we are laughing at someone because we don't understand them. Sure, once in a while, you may agree with someone else's pet peeve, but my bet is that much of the time, like me, you're scratching your head and thinking, "Really? You're that bothered when your husband puts the ketchup on the shelf in the fridge, rather than on the door?".

The problem, of course, is that we all have them.

*********************
Wow, i guess i did write about this before....

*more on newspaper delivery at a later date

Wagnerisms

2010-12-17T09:23:00.004-05:00

I know, i know - at this time of year, the obvious question on your mind is "TJ, who is your SECOND favourite Marvel Comics character"?

You probably know who #1 is if you've read anything on here. Number 2 would be Nightcrawler from the X-Men. It's not surprising. On some levels, he bears similarities to Spider-Man. Both are incredibly agile. Both can climb very well. Both are wise-crackers. Both haven't led the happiest of lives.

I know that fans of X-Men & Marvel fans in general typically tout Wolverine as being their #1 choice. I put forth that Nightcrawler could dispatch of Wolverine in about 3 seconds if he so chose. Repeatedly teleporting & dropping someone from 1 or 2 miles/kms up would have that effect.

I thought that this scene from the 2nd X-Men movie did a nice job of illustrating how effective a fighter Nightcrawler would be:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrVdCkKxty4

Also, if you're ever playing Hero-clicks, make sure that you get the Nightcrawler figure. He's one of the more formidable characters in that game (as he should be).

Enough with the analysis.

In grade 8 my class got confirmed (it's a Catholic sacrament). As part of our confirmation, we had to wear robes with white sashes. The sashes had names down one side. Our teacher didn't properly explain how this was all supposed to work. Most of us thought that we were allowed to just choose any name we wanted, as long as it was the name of a saint. I didn't know of any saint named Kurt, but that was the name i initially chose. Kurt Wagner is Nightcrawler's real name...but as it turned out, we were supposed to just use our middle name if we already had one (and if it was the name of a saint). So i went with Joseph, and had to pull the felt letters off of the sash.

I was *this* close...

Preachin' baby

2010-12-15T16:47:00.002-05:00

Jimmy Guthrie recently put this up on his Facebook page.

I'd seen this video before, but not with the subtitles. They did a really good job of figuring out what the kid was saying.

The questions i have are:
- why did they NOT make the baby the preacher from then on?
- why does the guy try to tell a baby who can't really speak what to say at the end? He was doing just fine?
- why is the baby doing his preaching in a Devil voice?

New boots/old boots

2010-12-06T20:21:00.004-05:00

I bought some Sorels today at the mall. I have a pretty decent pair of winter boots already, but wanted something that could be slipped on & off with no effort. Here is a picture:

The very helpful ladies in the store assured me that it was warm. They also were trying to convince me of how stylish was, but i think that might have been overkill on their part. I'm not going for style. I stopped going for style sometime around 1989 or so. I'm going for function & convenience. I wanted boots that would make the transition between outdoor recess duty & indoor time that much quicker, so i got these.

They have a good thick tread. The lower part is rubber, the upper part is leather. This combines the best of both worlds (petroleum based products & the meat industry).

Funny...this reminds me of a story from my childhood. Not sure if i've written this here before, but maybe you should check after you read this & see if i've messed up the details.

Back when i was in boy scouts, i was absolutely terrible with the outdoors & outdoorsmanship in general. I couldn't start a fire or tie knots or earn badges. I stayed in scouts because i liked playing dodgeball on Tuesday nights & i was friends with most of the guys in my troop. We ended up going winter camping sometime towards the end of January.

It was awful.

I was completely underprepared for the winter climate. We happened to go on a horrendously cold weekend - it actually reached below -20 degrees celsius. We were sleeping in tents. We were smart enough to build snow walls around our tents to cut down on the wind so it really wasn't so bad at night. I had received a really good sleeping bag that was good to minus 40 (sadly, i lost it about 7 years ago).

The one thing that i did not have to help me was proper winter footwear. Somehow, despite my complete lack of interest in all things Western, i had been sporting a pair of rubber cowboy boots that winter. They were lined with fake wool and unfortunately froze up on me within 15 minutes of arriving at the campsite. For the next couple of days i was in agony as it felt like my feet were going to shatter & fall off.

Most of the guys were pretty helpful about it all - some of them told me to take off the boots & warm my feet by the fire, which helped. While we were out and about all day Saturday, my feet were killing. To take my mind off the whole thing, i joined a group of fellows on a tobaganing run - one of the guys had brought the tobagon his mom had owned as a child. Sadly we crashed it into a tree & pretty much destroyed it.

I kept moving to try to maintain warmth, but it wasn't fun. Most of the other guys had much better boots...or so it seemed.

We woke up Sunday morning to find that nearly all of our boots had frozen solid overnight. Mine were solid & the rubber wouldn't flex anymore. I was not, however, the worst off of the bunch. Many of the guys were sporting insulated Kodiak style boots, which were made of leather...leather that had actually become saturated with water as we had tobagganed, ice fished, etc throughout the previous day. I was lucky because when i put my boots by the fire, the rubber warmed up pretty quickly & became flexible enough to put them on. The guys who had leather boots weren't so lucky, and it took hours for theirs to thaw. Fortunately most of those guys had brought skis, so they put on their cross country ski shoes and went skiing while their boots thawed out. The rest of us sat around pouring camping fuel onto the picnic table & lighting it on fire.

Anyway, the weekend eventually ended, i got horribly sick with the flu for 5 days & never went winter camping again.

So moral of the story? I don't know. Don't leave kids alone with flamable liquids? Don't lend out family heirlooms if you want them back whole?

Frankly, i have no idea how all those cowboys survived the winter.

Dread

2010-11-27T17:07:00.003-05:00

Adrian Sticks Stickland posted something on his Facebook page recently and it immediately took me back to my early days of university.

One of the shows that i went to in my early days at U of G was Dread Zeppelin. I can't recall how we heard about it, but a bunch of us ended up going out to Peter Clark Hall. I knew that we were going to see a Led Zeppelin cover band (awesome) that did the tunes with Reggae stylings (great). Until the singer came out on stage, i had no idea that he was an Elvis impersonator. Think about it. Here's a video they made for their version of Heartbreaker.

The video likely doesn't convey the sense of mayhem, musicianship & pure silliness that was part of that night way back when. I remember laughing my head off and thinking how clever the whole thing was. They really pulled it off live. I can imagine someone thinking to combine any of the 2 out of 3 elements that made the concept, but all 3?

My point is that if ANYONE in music should have got filthy rich beyond their wildest dreams. Everyone loves Elvis (OK, maybe not some of the artists he ripped off). Everyone loves Led Zeppelin (see Elvis comment). But Reggae? EVERYONE lived with someone who had a Bob Marley poster on the wall in their residence room or apartment, and he was the king of Reggae. So Dread Zeppelin had it 3 ways! They should have been loaded.

I kid though. Mostly. I like Elvis. I like Zeppelin. I like Reggae. Those cats should have been millionaires.

Snowfall

2010-11-27T08:20:00.003-05:00

Well, i did it again. Overestimated my time for getting the snow tires on the car. That means that i'll have to compete with every schmuck out there (i include myself in that category) to get in line at the garage.

One good thing is that i actually put new so called all season radials on the car last spring, so i have way more tread than i did on the old baldies (that was the name of one of my bands once).

Based on where i've been working, much of my drive will be through the back roads, through farm country & Mennonite land. It's a beautiful drive but you can get pretty snowed under out that way.

I also did not do the maintenance on the snow blower yet. That would include changing the oil & gassing it up. It's not too late but probably better to do that when the weather is warm. I only use the thing 2 to 4 winter, but when it's needed, it's a fantastic thing to have available. And i hear it's supposed to snow a lot this year (according to the Farmer's Almanac).

Show last Friday

2010-11-21T22:01:00.008-05:00

Well our Joy Division cover band (Deutsche Vision) finally played a gig. We booked the Red Chevron hall & had a couple other bands come out & play with us. It was a good time & about 100 people or more showed, so we cannot complain.

Douglas built a cake to resemble the cover of the album "Unknown Pleasures". He also carved an eraser into a hand stamp for the door that looked the same. And brought out a bunch of books that inspired some of the songs & name of the band.

I thought the gig went well. People had fun & i believe we sounded pretty good. Massive thanks go to Mark Stutman who did sound for us & lent us gear, Mike Ostler who helped set up & lent gear, and Art for doing tonnes of work. Thanks to Meg Mazurek & also the Jr. Mountain Zeroes for playing with us.

I was doing the singing, and i am so used to having an instrument while i'm playing that not having one feels pretty weird. And no, i did not do the dancing - you know that jerky, seizure like arm pumping dancing that was associated with Ian Curtis. I figure that was his thing, and we're a cover band rather than a tribute act.

I recall a year or more back in the comments section of this blog there was a discussion about what songs we should be playing & what ones we should avoid. I am happy to report back that i was right. Ahem. Soapbox time: when you're preparing something for the general public's consumption, if you want them to enjoy it, you've got to give them what they want*. As a cover band, that would include playing songs that a band is best known for, even by folks who know little about the band.

The same could be said for many things in any art.

Otherwise, you might end up with this**.

*note my contradictory stance on the dancing, however
**taken from the excellent show "Spaced"

Worst Game Ever

2010-10-31T20:57:00.006-04:00

What's that you say? Did you just say, "hey, please tell me about the WORST videogame you ever played on the Commodore 64?". I can do that. I can do that because it still BURNS my soul every time i think about this game. You know how love can break your heart into a thousand little pieces and leave you obsessing for days, months, sometimes even years?

Well, Star Wars: the Arcade Game did that to me.

Here's a screen shot that i ripped off from some guy's website. He probably stole it too, just like Star Wars the Arcade Game stole my dignity:

The mere image causes me great consternation & confusion. Why? Read on.

I actually loved the Star Wars arcade game. I wasn't *good* at it - i've never been any good at video games. But there are still ones that i find fun to play, at least for a little while. They had a Star Wars arcade game up at the local Mac's Milk store. I used to go up there with Jeff Meier, Matt Daniels & sometimes possibly my brother. The game cost 50 cents, rather than 25, but this was because it was an EXPERIENCE you were paying for. You weren't just playing a video game. Instead, you climbed into the cockpit of an X-Wing fighter (for real, well, pretend real) and sat surrounded by speakers, cut off from the outside world. It might be my imagination, but i seem to recall having an controller that was like the one they used in the movies. You got to do the whole thing, fight your way towards the Death Star, navigate & blast through the battlefields on its surface, and eventually descend into the trenches to make a hero's run, not unlike those canyons back home. And...if you were worthy, the force was with you & you had enough quarters, you'd fire off a shot that would somehow enter the gap, bend downwards and then BLAMMO.

Like i said, a total experience.

So then, it was almost too much when i discovered that this game existed for the C64. I think it was put out by Atari, but it existed in cartridge form. We had only ever owned 2 cartridge games, both having arrived via Santa. As it turned out, my brother & i had saved up some American money in preparation for our semi-annual trip down to Philadelphia. Usually we spent our money on Star Wars action figures at Kiddie City (they were only $4.50 a piece, much cheaper than in Canada). We still planned to do this, but when we entered a KMart and saw the game behind the counter, we decided to do something else.

The price tag was too high. My memory might be off, but i believe that the price on the game was something in the area of $49. That was a LOT of money back then. I recall that we did not have enough money to buy the game upon first visit. However, as children so often do, we received dribs & drabs of money via generous relatives. 2 dollars here, 2 dollars there eventually added up to ensure that we had enough cash to buy the game before returning to Canada. We went back to KMart and made the purchase.

The downside was that we couldn't actually *play* the game. My cousin had a C64 over in New Jersey, but we weren't going to see him again before heading back to Canada. So we had to wait.

Now, if any children are reading this, i recommend you stop. Not because i'm about to swear or curse (i don't often do that on here) and not because i'm about to say anything adultish. No. I'm going to do worse than this. I am going to tell you that sometimes a thing may seem like it's the coolest thing in the world, and you eventually find out that it's not, and in fact it's worse than that. It's pure and utter rubbish, and your dreams die a little inside.

And you just paid 50 bucks for that to happen.

We got back to Whitby and fired up the game. All started well. Classic scrolling text explaining the plot of the game, familiar line drawn transparent geometrical graphics, fantastic pixelated (?) rendering of John William's anthemic song. I prepare to embark on my mission and i crash. Beginner's bad luck, i figure. I try again. Crash. Crash. Crash. Over and over and over.

Why?

It seems that the game's designers figured it would be more of a challenge to make the controls like those of an airplane. If you pull down, you go up. If you push up, you go down. Now again, this might be imagination, but i think that possibly the left and right controls worked the same way in the game. The fire button didn't seem to work too well either. In other words, the designers likely ported this game over from another system (if that was possible at the time) and spent little to no time refining the interface peripherals (i.e. the joystick). The game handled in such a way that you may as well have been wearing baseball mitts on each hand as you tried to play. It was a disaster. And we paid 50 bucks for it.

I recall taking apart a joystick and preparing to have a go at it with a soldering iron. I figured that i could rewire the joystick so that up was up & down was down. Brilliant idea, except that for all the other games, the joystick would be wrong. Plus my soldering skills were nil, and i could not afford another joystick after buying the game.

I don't know what happened to that cartridge. It probably got lost/given away/sold along with the C64. I can only hope that it got melted down and made into a Darth Vader action figure.

I never blew up the Death Star. The next time i went to Mac's, the game was gone and was replaced with something less glorious.

I still have a dream, though. I'm an adult. This means that i can buy things. One day, if the force is strong with me (still), i'll be in the right place at the right time. Maybe an auction or an estate sale. I will pull out my adult wallet, hand over my adult cash and i will buy an original Star Wars Arcade game.

Tech

2010-10-27T20:13:00.003-04:00

It's funny how quickly technology progresses. These days, if you buy a smartphone (which i just did) you're pretty much guaranteed that the thing will be mostly obsolete within 3 to 5 years. Computers that were top of the line 6 or 7 years ago can barely chug their way across the internet.

This sense of outdatedness certainly isn't new. I can recall comparing my Commodore 64 to a my friend's Vic 20. Side by side, there was no comparison. For example, his machine ran off an old tape drive (i.e. cassette), while ours used a then top of the line disc drive. The discs could store far more than the tapes ever could.

This sort of thing has existed for centuries, beyond computer technology. It's just increased because things have gotten smaller & faster.

The first real piece of technology that i remember getting my hands on was an LED calculator. I think i was 7 years old when i got one for Christmas. Inevitably, it ended up getting dropped in the toilet eventually & that was then end of that.

There will, of course come a day when someone will snicker & say, "computers??? who the heck uses computers?!?". Of course they'll say it with telepathy.

Zork

2010-10-16T20:06:00.005-04:00

I am soon going to watch a movie called "Get Lamp". I think it came out a couple of years back. It's about the evolution of text based video games. Most video games are obviously known for their flashy, vibrant imagery. Sure, earlier video games may look clunky to our eyes now, but back in the day, the image you see below was the pinacle of what was possible, at least to the public:

This is a still image from Atari Football from back in the early 1980s. It appears clunky now but i assure you that back in caveman computing times, it was godlike.

The C64 was no slouch when it came to video game imagery either, despite what computohistorians may tell you. I can remember being highly impressed by the graphics & action in Spyhunter. Heck, they even attempted to replicate the laser disc driven arcade oddity Dragon's Lair, albeit with greatly toned down graphics. Most of the people playing video games on the C64 probably took for granted the use of graphics in gaming.

Then along came Zork.

Was Zork* the first text-based video game? I have no idea, and frankly i doubt it. It doesn't matter, because to the thousands of folks who played games on the Commodore 64, Zork was the first text-based video game that they encountered. I would put forth that in the, uh, enlightened public's mind, this was a first.

Text-based video games are simple in concept. Instead of using moving images or pictures to drive the action, words are what creates the world of the game. Obviously early versions of text based games were fairly simplistic if not large in terms of coding. Most of them were probably similar to extravagant versions of the classic Choose Your Own Adventure books. In Zork, you started out as someone exploring a small village, only to be eventually led into a vast dungeon underworld. Even at the time, the game had a Dungeons & Dragons like undertone to it.

One of the cool things about the game was that it could actually understand some fairly complex language. You weren't simply limited to things like "get lamp" or "get shield". You could get a little more descriptive that that if you chose, and the computer often surprised you with how much it comprehended. And...there was always that moment that every kid & adult likely tried - the one where you typed in a curse word or two. If i remember correctly, the game would give you a couple of warnings & then would eventually kick you out. I can't imagine the same thing happening in Call of Duty.

I recall attempting to create a text-based game for a grade 10 school project. I was moderately successful but quickly realized just how difficult it is to embed any sort of personality into the game.

*There were various versions of the game that came out. We'll just call it Zork.

Colour C64

2010-10-16T12:10:00.003-04:00

One thing that i realized recently regarding the C64 - this computer was known at the time for its vibrant use of colour. We did not actually have a C64 monitor, and we got the C64 before our family even had a colour TV. For the most part, the computer was operated using a crappy black & white tiny Zenith TV.

This means that for all the years that we used the C64, most of it was done without actually getting to see what many of the games & programs looked like in colour. Eventually my family got a colour TV, but it was rare that we brought the computer downstairs to hook it up to that TV.

Can you imagine someone playing their PS3 or Wii on a black & white TV now? It would be unheard of.

I do remember the first time we hooked the computer up to the colour TV. The first game i tried was Bruce Lee. I remember how vibrant & crazy the colours looked. Here is a screen shot that i stole from someone who probably stole it from someone else:

Pretty nice, eh?

Commodore Joystick Hacker Maker

2010-10-06T14:56:00.002-04:00

I've mentioned previously that i have used an C64 emulator on my old PC before. I use the Mac primarily these days & haven't installed an emulator on it (nor have i searched for one...hmm).

I heard a couple of years ago that someone created a joystick with some Commodore 64 games in it. I have an Atari joystick that has a few games & a Coleco joystick too. I did a little search the other day & came across an interesting article about a hacker who came up with a C64 joystick loaded with games.

Here's a link to the article. I think you'll be surprised by some of what you read there. This hacker has come up with some pretty cool things. Check out the giant Etch-a-sketch, for example.

Disk Drive

2010-10-04T21:20:00.004-04:00

Pirating. People talk about pirating as if it only became commonplace in the last 10 years or so. Obviously, this talk mainly revolves around the downloading of movies, music, TV shows and so on via the internet.

Well, i've got news for you. I was a computer pirate over 25 years ago. My plunder was games, more specifically software for the C64.

When we first got our Commodore, it didn't come with a disk drive or cassette drive. The Vic20, which preceded the C64, came with a tape drive. You would insert a regular old cassette tape and either upload or download software. Obviously a cassette player couldn't hold that much in terms of memory so the programs were pretty small.

Our C64 was a Christmas gift to the family from my parents. Initially, all we had for software were 2 cartridge games: Tooth Patrol & i *think* Sea Wolf. Tooth Patrol was pretty good. The problem was that while i was interested in learning some programming, we had no means to store it. The C64 had no writable internal memory once it was switched off. My dad ended up picking up a disk drive within the year. It wasn't cheap (i seem to recall a price of 400 or 500 bucks) but it made a HUGE difference in the usefullness of the computer. Suddenly we could create little programs and store them on big floppy discs (which literally were floppy back then in the 5 1/4 format).

This of course led to the quest for more games. Memory eludes me now, but i recall when a friend from school lent me a copying program that could copy almost all cracked programs from the original disc into the computer, then back out onto a blank disc. This was a revelation because it meant that you could trade games with your friends. There were also cracking programs out there - ones that could hack into store bought game software - but i never obtained one of these, or at least not one that actually worked. Most cracked games would have a little tag screen that tooted the horn of the clever fellow that had cracked the program.

All of this meant that there was a network of kids & adults out there passing pirated software off to one and other. The main difference between then & now was that this pirating was primarily done face to face, rather than over a modem. A kid in your biology class would tell you that he had a copy of Jumpman Jr or Bruce Lee and would lend it to you if you lent him something in return. No one really felt bad about this or thought of it as pirating because the price of games was so ridiculously high that no regular high school kid would have ever been able to buy one. Case in point: my brother & i saved up and bought Star Wars on cartridge for 50 bucks American. More on that at a later date.

We ended up amassing dozens of discs full of games. Then the revelation occurred. More on that next time.

(I realize that i've probably spelled disc as disk or disc throughout this, but figured none of you would notice).

C64 time

2010-09-23T17:25:00.002-04:00

(64K) Memories...

I've written about the Commodore 64 here before & will do so again. I contend, as always, that it was the greatest home computer ever & things have declined in that regard ever since.

How good was it, you may ask? Well, i'll put it to you this way: i spent much of the last decade of my life programming in a variety of languages at my old job. I don't think i could now recall one single line of code despite all the time spent there. But i can still remember Load "*",8,1 or IF X = 1 THEN GOTO 100 and more.

I programmed my grade 10 final computer project on a 64. It was a text based game. While most other kids tried to program simple spelling or arithetic games, mine was meant to be a simulation of what it would be like to work at NORAD during a nuclear apocalypse.

Maybe i'll riff on the C64 for a few posts. God knows i could fill volumes on that topic alone.

Meanwhile, enjoy some music courtesy of an old 64 classic.

Haunted - final clothes post...

2010-09-21T20:22:00.004-04:00

I don't think that i finished up the clothing posts that i was putting up here this past summer. So wait for it - the final clothing post is....

...underpants.

Surprised? Not really.

For this post, i'll recount a story to you from my childhood.

My grandmother in Philadelphia had a neighbour who was an elderly gentleman. He lived alone. I think he may have been a retired dentist but i'm not sure. When i was in late grade school, i began to get handmedowns from this old man. It started innocently enough. The first thing i got was a Mighty Mac winter parka. I actually really liked it. The zipper had a bar attached to it that looked tough & made it very easy to zip up in the cold winter.

Over the next few months i recieved a couple of other items from this old guy. Scarves, hats, gloves - all fairly innocuous stuff, harmless, really. I secretly kept hoping that i'd receive some of his old dental stuff (laughing gas, drills, etc) but that never happened.

One day i got a pair of jeans & some old man pants. Cool! I've always been happy to dress like an old man, so this didn't really bug me. A couple of shirts showed up, fine, i held my breath hoping for a fedora but that never came.

Then one day it got strange.

In one of the packages, mixed in with some normal stuff, i received some undershirts. Sleeveless, fairly worn undershirts. I remember thinking "this seems a little odd" but hey, they were comfortable. This was ages before wearing awfully named "wifebeaters" became even remotely cool. I kept them well hidden under my shirt.

Sadly, though, my source of septegenarian fashionware dried up...my grandmother's neighbour passed away and that was that. It was back to modern preteen dressing for me.

Or so i thought. Because months after the gentleman passed, my grandmother came to visit and had a final package for me. I figured "this is it, this is where i get the dentist tools and a really swanky cardigan collection". I opened the box and looked inside.

It was underwear.

Not new underwear. Not funny boxer shorts with wacky cartoon polkadots. Real honest to goodness old man underpants. Let me rephrase that: real honest to goodness DEAD old man underpants. Rather than describe them here, i'll let your imagination fill in the details.

I will admit that the first thing that went through my mind is "dear god in heaven, i cannot wear these". I did not want to appear ungrateful, but i couldn't wear them. Not because they had belonged to someone else. Not because the colour was somewhere between off white & corn yellow.

I couldn't wear them because i was afraid that they might be haunted.

I was genuinely scared that an old dead lonely dentist's soul might still be tied to this Earth, and channeled through a pair of Fruit of the Looms. I did what any other kid would do. I stashed them into the back of the closet and tried to forget that i ever saw them.

A guilty conscience (i was a young Catholic so i felt guilty about everything) can be quickly assuaged as time passes. Eventually, i forgot about the package that i'd stuffed underneath the board games & Lego sets. In fact, i did not even think about those underwears until years later when i went tearing through the closet trying to find a pair of shoes.

I recalled my fear from years earlier, and decided to do something about it. I took the package, placed it into a plastic bag & drove to the nearest clothing drop box. Rather than throwing the underpants in the garbage & risk being haunted by an old dead dentist, i figured it was better to pass the legacy on to someone else. Someone unwitting.

To this day, i half expect to see the package make its reappearance on my doorstep, like that horror movie where the skull keeps showing up no matter how the lady tries to get away from it. You know the one.

True Blood (someone will call this a spoiler even though i give nothing away)

2010-09-14T16:20:00.003-04:00

Remember?

Remember how much you LOVED Bill Compton? When you first began watching True Blood? You just thought he was to DIE for.

Well.

What do you think of him now? Eh? What a dirty no good rat. And see how he whined like a baby in the last episode?

Vampire? More like Wahhh-mpire.

The Giving Tree

2010-09-02T11:36:00.007-04:00

I know that many of you probably grew up loving this book, but i'm going to have a go at it anyway.

I enjoyed the poems & musings of Shel Silverstein when i was a child. We had a big hardbound copy of "Where the Sidewalk Ends" that i used to read & laugh at. The drawings were amusing, the poems were clever & funny and dealt with stuff that kids could relate to. As i've grown in age, i still enjoy coming back to that book & some of his other ones too.

Portrait of the author as a terrifying looking young man

But - not "The Giving Tree". THAT book is not one i enjoy. At all. It seems to be about a tree that allows her(?)self to get walked all over by this selfish jerk of a boy (eventually man). When i read it as a kid, i may not have known words like "self-absorbed loser" or "disfunctional relationship" but i sensed that something was up with that book. And i also knew that most of it did not make any sense...how the heck could the man have built a house with an armload of branches? Didn't the kid find it weird that the tree could talk? And wasn't it weird that the tree, after like the first 3 or 4 selfish incidents, didn't go all "Wizard of Oz" tree style on the kid?

So i could go off on this book for hours, but instead, i'll let you watch the following video clip. I found it while googling the title of the book. This woman (Joanie) is funny. She pretty much says just about everything that i've ever thought about this (stupid) book.

Great wedding/secrets of the masons

2010-08-29T09:57:00.004-04:00

We went to Stew & Sarah's wedding yesterday in Hamilton. It was held at a place called The Scottish Rite which is a building for Scottish Masons. The wedding was really nice and the reception was awesome. Great food & drink, laid back atmosphere with many old friends in a very cool old building. Stew is a good old friend, Sarah is a really nice & genuine person & it is great to see them so happy. All the best Stew & Sarah!

At one point i got obsessed with finding secret passages, as it seemed like the kind of building where that might be part of the design. People kept egging me on but i think they believed there might be something to the idea. I didn't really find anything but i probably just missed some secret pull-sash or panel in the wainscotting.

We did manage, however, to score a tour of the building. I was asking the bartender about what was down the hall & he said "oh, go check out the ballroom - if the security guard gives you any trouble just say Joe says it's OK". The guard, an elderly man who may have been hard of hearing, did stop us as we headed towards the ballroom (i should mention, that's not ballroom as in Chucky Cheese ballroom, but rather Cinderella ballroom). He didn't want me to bring my drink with me (though Joe had said "sure, go ahead!") so i left it there by his desk. He then showed us the ballroom, and then as an added bonus, took us upstairs to see the Temple where the Masons do all their secret stuff.

People, he spilled the beans*. I'm telling you, we learned more about Scottish Masons in 15 minutes than i would have thought possible. The Temple itself was a pretty amazing room. They are fully set up as a theatre - as an example, they had over 30 flys up in the rafters ready to lower down for all sorts of plays, scenes, etc. We saw all sorts of strange artifacts hanging about the place.

I know you're dying to ask - did we learn the handshake? Well, no, we didn't. They wouldn't tell us that one key piece of information.

Or at least that's what they told me to say.

*The nameless security guard truly did no such thing. Now see the sentence above.

The Walking Dead trailer!

2010-08-25T15:04:00.002-04:00

I love comic books. I do. I don't buy them much anymore, but i still love them.

There's one series out there that i think has been consistently good from the first issue. The Walking Dead. I think i've mentioned it before on here. Well, it looks like they're finally getting around to adapting it for TV. I'm not 100% sold on some of the editing in that clip but it does look like it's going to be pretty creepy.

The Cat is asleep

2010-08-25T11:04:00.003-04:00

I am sitting here watching Clarence the cat sleep (it's not the creepy kind of sleep watching - he's just there on the sofa).

He is twitching like crazy, as if someone is running an electric current through him. What the heck do cats dream about, if they *can* even dream? That magical bowl of kibble that always refills itself? Not 3 blind mice, but 3 million blind mice? Pushing a never ending ball of yarn up a hill, only to have it roll itself back up?

Who knows.

On a completely unrelated note...David Lynch. I cannot decide if his films are works of genius, or complete & utter wastoid projects put together by a bunch of 1st year film major/psychology minors messed up on White Zinfandel & sleeping pills. I know many of my friends loved Twin Peaks and all (let's remember - most of you were out of your trees when you watched it back in the day...), but i'm still not sure about his work.

Bicycle clothing

2010-08-17T14:34:00.002-04:00

I recently began riding a road bike. Traditionally i've been an amateur mountain bike rider, but figured i'd go in for something a little different. I have really been enjoying my rides on the much sleeker, faster, scarier road bike.

I have not, however, been enjoying the clothing.

Like many of you, i figured that the dorks who insisted on dressing like superheroes when they got on a road bike suffered from some sort of fashion disfunction. Honestly, i used to look at people riding down the road in skin tight logo-laden spandex and shake my head.

But i get it now. Sort of.

Let's talk about some of the specific pieces of clothing.

Shoes: it sometimes looks as if road cyclists are wearing soccer shoes minus the cleats. This never bothered me much, as it doesn't look too crazy. Many cyclists wear shoes that clip on to their tiny pedals. This keeps the feet basically attached to the pedals while riding. It should come as no surprise that this is done to help conserve energy & to keep an economy of motion intact.

Shirts: those dorky, dorky shirts. Bright logos with more product placement than a Hollywood movie. Annoying to the eye. Well, sure - they're eye catching, which means that drivers actually SEE the cyclist. That certainly serves a purpose. As for the skin tight aspect, i still wear plain old tshirts to ride. They flap around like crazy when you get anywhere up above 20 km/hour. I'm not overly concerned about wind resistance because i'm not an Olympic level cyclist. However, i do admit that the flapping is annoying. No shirt for me...yet.

Shorts: ah, bicycle shorts. Unforgiving in appearance, but boy, do they solve a lot of problems when you're riding. If you've never worn or seen a pair, they typically are snug and have some sort of chamois or faux chamois (sham-chamois? shamois??) lining. This helps to prevent a variety of problems from occurring. As well, you can get shorts with some sort of gel padding too. This helps prevent your butt from falling asleep. I only bought my first two pairs last week and they have allowed me to go significantly further during my rides. Unlike most cyclists, i suffer from modesty so i usually put another pair of baggy shorts over top of the cycling shorts.

Hats: in my eyes, you're an idiot if you wear a cycling hat instead of a proper helmet. If you don't believe me, let me punch you in the head & tell me how much it hurts after - and then think about how much your head would hurt if it met the ground while going upwards of 30 km/hr.

Sunglasses: necessary. I wear plain old Raybans. I can see the value in wearing a higher tech wraparound style though. They would help cut down on wind, bugs, etc getting in your eyes. Sunglasses will help your eyes to stay alert and to not become too tired. That's a good thing.

I can't think of any other clothes. I hope this was insightful.

Green (it is your) Destiny

2010-08-10T17:35:00.002-04:00

OK, this isn't part of the clothing theme, but it's cool & combines 2 of my favourite things (kung fu movies & Star Wars).

This has been done to death, of course. But i still thought it was fun.

Suits

2010-08-09T18:27:00.003-04:00

I don't have many suits. I have a good suit for weddings & funerals, and a couple of cheaper suits/jackets (but cooler looking) for rock & roll events, magic and such. I once remarked years ago that if i were a multi-millionaire, i would wear suits every day. I think maybe i exagerated a little on that one, but still, i'd probably have many nice suits to choose from.

Years ago i picked up a suit for 10 bucks at a Salvation Army store. It was olive green & tailored much like the suit Peewee Herman made famous. I only got to wear it a couple of times before i lent it to a friend who consequently lost it (tangent: by the way - if you've ever borrowed anything from me, be it a magic book, cd, money, etc, and you didn't return it and figure i've forgotten - i haven't. Examples: grade 8 - Kevin, you still own me the 6 bucks change from those comics you sold me; the book Secrets of the Palmettos was lent out to 2 magic friends & was destroyed but not returned; my MuTron Phaser pedal was lent out to a guy named Matt (not Flashlight Matt) and never given back - but no one needs to worry because though i remember, i generally don't care all that much as i figure I'VE borrowed stuff from friends & possibly forgotten to return the items in question. We're all a little guilty.)

Anyway, back to suits.

It must have been a strange time to live in, back in those days where nearly all men wore suits. I'm not sure if it's exactly how it was or if that's just how films from the early to mid part of the 20th century depicted things. If old films & photos are accurate, then it would appear that most gentlemen wore suits all of the time. Now most of us dress like slobs in comparison.

I should try to dig up some old photos from the 1970s. There are pictures of my brother & me dressed in crazy plaid suits that matched. It would be pretty funny if adults did that now - bought the loudest, craziest suits that money can buy and wore them together for photos.

Swim trunks

2010-08-04T13:27:00.001-04:00

All i'm going to say about this is i wish that i had an old fashioned woolen style swimsuit circa 1905.

Wallets

2010-07-22T15:54:00.002-04:00

Let's face it, wallets can be bulky.

The George Costanza wallet episode from Seinfeld is really not that far off the mark. Over the years, i have attempted to slim my wallet down. The most popular method is to spend whatever is in it as quickly & foolishly as possible, but the wallet space is still eaten up by receipts, trading cards, origami, etc.

A few years ago, i attempted to purge my wallet and am in the process of repeating the same pattern again. It goes like this:
- buy a really slimline cardholder that has no space for money
- put 3 or 4 cards into it (i.e. bank card, driver's license, health card, credit card, Justice League member's card [honorary])
- money just goes in your pocket

This usually works well for a while. Then someone hands you a receipt for something and says "sir, hang on to this". Then your buddy jots down his cell phone # on a scrap of paper and says "call me on the weekend about that thing". Consequently, your pockets (instead of your wallet) are now constantly full of crap. So you do the most logical thing.

You buy another container to hold all of this stuff.

Some call it a man bag. Some call it a murse. Some try to convince people to call it a utility satchel, but that doesn't work.

You start putting all your crap in that bag. You realize that, like many times before in life, you're essentially living out an episode of Seinfeld (again!). But you don't care. Everyone mocks your bag - old people, kids, bikers, drag queens, priests - everyone.

Oh sure, you try to be tough and pretend that you haven't been pigeonholed into gender specific luggage carrying like the rest of society. But eventually, perhaps unconsciously, it gets to you. Everyone is satisfied one day because they see you walking down the street WITHOUT your satchel.

Of course they're too stupid to realize you're just wearing it under your jacket, but hey, you're the one with a slim line wallet holding only 3 cards and a SECRET satchel containing playing cards, gummy bears, Dutch licorice, a flask full of holy water, a Game Boy, a handkerchief and 2 cans of Vernor's.

Or maybe it's just me.

Belts

2010-07-19T16:39:00.005-04:00

Said it before, say it again: a man ain't a man if he don't wear a belt.

Men: you NEED to wear a belt. It is the source of all your masculine powers. Think about it: Batman wears a utility belt. Batman could be Superman in a fight. Batman is merely a man. Ergo, all men could beat Superman. But only if they wear a belt.

I think the logic there speaks for itself.

No, seriously, there have been a couple of times where i've forgotten to put a belt on in the morning. I may as well have put my arms on backwards or left my cerebral cortex at home - i was totally thrown off all day. I've probably written about it on here before, but it's true.

I currently own 4 belts. One is my "dress up" belt, for when i'm teaching or wearing a suit. One is a rock & roll belt. I don't wear it much these days. One is my normal belt. One is a belt my grandmother gave me like 20 years ago and it will likely never fit again. But i keep it just in case.

I am unsure of what women's relationships to their belts is. I am not sure it is as integral as it is for men. Look at it this way: since most men don't appear to possess hips, their pants would fall off without a belt.

I think it's important to recognize that this would wreak havoc in the world. Belts are important.

Hats

2010-07-16T17:50:00.003-04:00

Surely i've written on here before about how ridiculous my head is. And how the Biltmore hat company, located here in Guelph, couldn't help me. You wouldn't necessarily look at me and think "that guy's melon is of the oversized novelty variety" but it is. Something about the shape of my head makes it very difficult to actually buy hats that fit. I can get baseball caps big enough to wear, but they usually have to be a custom order.

What i can't get, though is a nice light summer hat that fits. You know, something that hearkens back to the smell of lighter fluid and of hot dogs being forgoten, only to be burnt to a blackened, shattery crisp.

The fashion for the past couple of years & especially this year seems to be be straw hats that are shaped like pork pie hats, smallish fedoras, etc. Very early 60s laid back dad-style countered with tough guy cool. Everyone around here is wearing them. Basically most of the guys in town look like they might be extras in a movie where Joe Pesci is the psychotic mobster side kick. And i can't be part of that club because my head's too long. Instead i'm relegated to wearing wool baseball caps in this heat.

This posed a problem when i graduated last year. Nobody would believe me when i told them the cap wouldn't fit.

I would love to have a collection of nice hats. My grandfather did. But i just can't get any that don't make me look like a clown wearing a tiny hat perched atop his head. And while that's a look that i would sometimes go for & find useful, it's not the one i'm searching for in my day to day life.

Karla tells me that she found a custom hat maker who claims they'll make any size. Big words. But can they match this big head? Biltmore talked big, then backed down like a bunch of sissy chapeliers.

What do you think? Do you know of a hat maker who can talk the talk AND walk the walk?

Shoes

2010-07-15T15:22:00.002-04:00

Shoes. They're expensive. Really expensive. Ripoff expensive. But you need them. Need them badly. Because you're addicted. To shoes.

I'm not addicted. But i still have many. I'm terrible at throwing them away. It's too hot to write long, descriptive, grammatically correct sentences. So i won't. I have some Clarks that i love but they got cracked. I've written about this before. It's a shame. They can't be repaired. A guy from Clarks wrote a comment on the blog once saying he'd help me out. He didn't. Now how can i trust Clarks brand shoes? I can't.

I have an old pair of Adidas Sambas. They were probably made by a child in Southeast Asia. He or she did a good job and i'd tip a lot them if i could. I can't. I ordered them years ago. They delivered the wrong pair. They sent kangaroo skin Sambas. I'm even more of a monster than you thought. Though i'm told that in Australia, 'roos are a pest. Like how in Canada we have beavers wandering around everywhere. They knock over garbage cans, threaten pets and sing doowop on street corners at night - OFF KEY!!!

I wear sandals. You can't run in sandals. What if you got chased? You would be in trouble. I carried a Police Band radio around to help me out. Eventually i learned that it only receives & doesn't transmit. Life is hard for a guy who wears sandals.

Women, you are all addicted to shoes. All of you. Don't deny it. It's the one generalization (!) that i stand by. Prove me wrong - wear only 2 pairs of shoes all year (winter boots - PROPER winter boots - don't count). You can't do it.

Undershirts

2010-07-13T17:33:00.003-04:00

I used to be an adamant wearer of undershirts. I figured that i wasn't a real man if i didn't wear one. I've gotten over that now (because real men wear belts so i'm still covered). I also figured that if i wore an undershirt underneath my regular work shirt, then i wouldn't have to wash the outer shirt as often. This worked quite well for years. Recently, though, it became problematic.

For many years, i worked in air conditioned buildings. But now that i'm in a profession where most of the places i'm at are not air conditioned, i find i get way hotter in the spring/summer months if i wear an undershirt. So i've stopped.

There are of course many styles to undershirts. I prefer either a V-neck or regular crew neck, and personally think that sleeveless undershirts are a waste of time unless you're trying to look like a tough mobster chilling out at a famiglia bbq.

Pants

2010-07-11T10:48:00.002-04:00

I buy my pants too big. I recognize that. I just find them more comfortable that way! One thing i need to start doing is either hemming them or buying them to be the right length. The cuffs often get frayed after being worn around for a year or 2.

There was a time when i would only wear Levi's brand jeans. This strikes me as very odd as i am not fashion conscious in the least.

There was a time when i only wore workpants, like the kind you found at Mark's Work Wearhouse back in the 1980s.

There was a time when i only wore cordurouy pants (and this was before i attended Denis O'Connor high where the uniform was brown Levi's cords).

There was a time when i only wore black cotton pants to work.

As you can see, my choices in pant-wearing can be quite polarized at any given time. Right now i'm pretty liberal about it all.

I have never worn leather pants.

I have never worn tear-away pants.

I have only worn plaid pants when i was a child being photographed and did not make my own clothing choices. But i'd probably chose to wear them now.

I was forced into buying acid washed jeans by a bossy ex-girlfriend but would not have done so had i possessed any free will at the time.

That is all i have to say about pants.

T-Shirts

2010-07-09T16:50:00.003-04:00

There are a lot of snappy new t-shirt companies out there at the moment. Do a google search & things like Snorg Tees, etc will come up. They have some really funny shirts. I am kind of like Sheldon from Big Bang theory in that i love clever nerdy t-shirts, but unfortunately they're often not cheap.

I bought some t-shirts form Old Navy a while ago, and picked up a couple the other day. One has some Marvel comics guys on it, one is a Rocky logo, and a Pong shirt. They had a "Card Sharp" t-shirt that i looked at for 3 seconds before realizing that a) that kind of publicity isn't necessarily helpful and b) it would be like the doofuses who wear ties or vests with playing cards all over them.

Karla also made me a couple of T-shirts using iron on printer transfers. You can totally make your own! It's a brave new world we live in. I will have to get some more of that stuff.

A lot of the indie rock/punk kids i knew back in the 90s used to silkscreen their own t-shirts. You can make some pretty cool stuff that way.

I used to make my own back in high school, in grade 10 or so. I would just get undershirts & draw on them with permanent marker. I wasn't a very good artist but that didn't stop me. I also used to go to the Head Shops in Toronto and buy zany t-shirts for like 5 bucks a pop. I'd often go down with about 80 dollars & buy my upper wardrobe for the year. They had knock offs of band stuff (The English Beat, etc), TV shows (Leave it to Beaver) and then plain old bizarre stuff ("Canadian Spider-Man" ??).

It's always exciting to get a wacky new t-shirt. For my birthday i got a Night of the Living Dead t-shirt this year and have been wearing it ever since. I suppose i should wash it sometime in the next month...

Socks

2010-07-08T22:52:00.003-04:00

Let's face it, socks are stupid.

I figure i'd start this off with a polarizing statement. Half of you will agree wholeheartedly and the other half will fly off the handle, chastising me for my judgmental cruelty.

I don't really think they're stupid. I just hate matching them. When i was younger, i didn't ever match my socks up. I just wore them mismatched much of the time. It wasn't a religious thing - if two matching socks lay side by side in the drawer, then i'd grab them and go. If not, mismatch time. I still feel mostly the same way.

Now, i wouldn't go so far as to wear a white sock with a plaid sock...they have to be in the same ballpark. But i'd happily wear dark blue sock with a black one.

I'm not one of those people who can get away with wearing no socks with my shoes. I tried it as a teenager. I think that there should be a law made against people who wear Converse All-Stars without socks, because if their feet are like mine, then they're creating a whole new life form in those shoes after about 7 minutes out in the sun.

I also think it's a little harsh to outright dismiss people who wear sandals with socks. People seem to have really strong feelings on this one. I vividly recall a woman ranting about this - about how ugly & unfashionable it was - and as i looked at her outfit, i just couldn't help but think "Somewhere in the universe, there's a place where that tiger print shirt actually goes with those pleather capris".

I'm sure that somewhere on this planet, there are places where they laugh at people who go barefoot in their sandals.

You just never know.

Shorts

2010-07-07T23:23:00.004-04:00

I bought some stuff today in the mall. As you can probably figure out, other than as a fortress for keeping out zombies, i have no desire to enter virtually any mall. Ever. Except this one mall in Hawaii that had a store that sold nothing but yo-yos & kites.

I needed shorts. Badly. I was down to 1 pair. The old ones either disintegrated or shrank. I figured that i would take a trip to Old Navy, being the military man that i am (i did spend the afternoon at the Army Navy Air Force hall afterwords). Luckily i found some of the last remaining shorts on Earth and got them at something called a "sale price". This is a completely foreign concept to me. Typically, the items that i wish to buy from any store usually end up going UP before i can buy them. It's like they know i'm coming & can read my profile ("bald male, possibly Caucasian, big glasses, carrying a magic book & Tim Horton's gift card - quickly, raise the prices on the Shazam t-shirts!!"). But today was my day of triumph!

I bought 3 pairs of shorts. 2 of them look pseudo-military (being the pseudo-military man that i am). One pair was reversible - plaid on one side, plain blue on the other. I also bought a t-shirt that proudly proclaims "PONG" for all to see (though i think the cop outside thought it stated something else & was tailing me all the way through the mall, til i lost him at Orange Julius). They were also having a sale on plain t-shirts so i grabbed a few. I know that me buying clothes from Old Navy is probably not ethical. I have no solution or clever sentence to offer you here. I doubt you came here looking for it anyway.

The shorts have big pockets, like cargo pants. I don't know how cargo pants earned that moniker, other than you can put a few items into their large pockets. Not exactly in "cargo like" quantities, but a few things nonetheless. Today i put: a cell phone, cash, a hanky, a superball and (unfortunately) a chocolate bar in to the oversized novelty pockets.

So yeah, now i finally have shorts, in time for summer!

People, Get Ready

2010-07-01T08:24:00.002-04:00

Toy Story 3

2010-06-30T16:10:00.003-04:00

We saw Toy Story 3 last weekend. I had read various reviews about it, many of them stating that while it was very good, it wasn't as good as the other 3. I don't agree.

I'm a huge fan of the first 2 movies, and now can say i'm a fan of the whole thing.

First off, i'd like to say that i have never seen a better trilogy of action/adventure films than the Toy Story movies. Most other trilogies have at least one episode that is seriously flawed in some way. Spider-Man? First one was great, second one was stellar, and the third one was so terrible that i like to pretend it wasn't made. Superman movies? Same - first 2 rocked, after that, they go downhill. Godfather? Third one isn't nearly as good as the first two. Original Star Wars films? Third one isn't quite up to par (though the first 20 or so minutes are brilliant). Matrix? Well, they all sucked, frankly. X-Men? First two are great (2nd contains one of the best opening action sequences ever...) but third movie goes so far off the rails that it pains me to mention it. Road Warrior movies - the third film suffers from "ewok syndrome". Indiana Jones? I actually thought the 2nd one stunk, the 1st & 3rd were great and they never made a 4th film, did they? No. They didn't. We'll leave it at that.

Back to the topic at hand: Toy Story 3. Why is it so good? The writing is clever - self-referential enough without getting smug about it (i.e. "I brought my attack dog with a built in forcefield" line at the beginning, etc). The animation is stellar.

All the Toy Story films contain a certain amount of darkness & paranoia. There have been some mentionings that perhaps this one is too dark. Let's remember, the first film threw us headlong into a situation where Buzz & Woody get lost (a scary concept to children) and the villain is an awful bully who blows up toys for kicks. If you don't think that's terrifying to a kid, you're crazy. The 2nd film gets deeper, posing questions about one's existence and purpose in life. This latest movie really does kick things up a notch in terms of intensity & darkness, but not in a way that kids can't deal with it. Obviously i don't want to give any spoilers here, but i will say that while the film is probably scary at times for kids, the tension is always released within the right amount of time, and often with laughter. The writers are good like that.

Is it a must see? If you enjoyed the first 2, then yes, it is. Does it stand alone from the other 2? Sure, but why would you not watch the first 2 parts?

Frankly, i was surprised when i heard they were making this movie. I just didn't think it was necessary, and didn't really know where they'd take it. The film poses some interesting & big questions about life, old age, trying to find one's place in the world, and what you gain and lose when you grow up.

I also really enjoyed the short movie beforehand. Pixar has a good track record with these little shorts before their movies - remember "Presto"? That was a good one.

Juan Tamariz

2010-06-20T21:17:00.005-04:00

Juan Tamariz! All the way from Spain! Beloved in his native country & around the world! Revered by magicians! A 2 hour show!

Yes, we got to see Tamariz perform his show at the Panasonic Theatre in Toronto as part of the Luminato festival. Magicana helped to bring 4 great magicians to the festival. For Saturday night’s show, we were seated in the balcony section. As an amateur magician, i’m familiar with a some of Tamariz’s work. I’ve read some of his books (the ones available in English), seen many of his videos & watched him perform live. In fact, one of the most exciting artistic, mindbending things i’ve ever watched was Tamariz performing for a bunch of magicians by a Hotel swimming pool at 3 a.m. once. He’s one of my favourite magicians, hands down.

The show was 2 hours long with an intermission. He performed in English, which isn’t his first language, but that doesn’t really matter as he speaks several languages, and is pretty comfortable performing in any of them. People unfamiliar with Tamariz might have been surprised at his appearance & character. He wears a purple top hat, a black vest, a collared shirt & blue jeans. He’s bald, but his long grey hair sticks out wildly from under the top hat. He’s not what you would think of as elegant (think tuxedoed classy magician producing doves a la Channing Pollock), nor is he what the kids would call “street magician” material (think David Blaine) or mystic hair metal god (Criss Angel). The image he presents is one of an energetic buffoon. Please note buffoon isn’t meant to be insulting here. The man is anything but...

Much of his act involves card tricks. It’s not easy to make card tricks play to an entire theatre full of people, many of whom (myself included) were way too far away to be able to identify any cards used. At this point, any magicians who have studied their history will recount Nate Leipzig & his use of a commity to make small tricks play big. Tamariz often used one or three spectators on stage to help assist him. The theory is that if you get a few people up on stage, if they react well to the trick - no matter how small - and if the effect is clear, then the rest of the audience will react well too. In this way, a stage magician doesn’t have to use oversized, brightly painted boxes with tigers in them. Instead, he or she can use smaller pocket sized things & still wow people. It’s not easy, though, and Tamariz’s show, which utilizes cards, hankies, cards, gloves, ropes, a cellphone and cards is a testament to just how good he is.

Tamariz is funny. He looks funny and before he even spoke, i’m pretty sure the audience knew they were going to laugh. He makes a lot of jokes at his own expense. He flirts with the women he gets up on stage, but he’s so bizarre, so out there that there’s nothing offensive about it. He gets people laughing and then wallops the audience with stunning, simple effects. Much of what he did adheres to Dai Vernon’s notion that you should be able to describe most good tricks in one sentence. To that end,
-he had a person on a cellphone think of a card & he was able to make it appear in his pocket
-he & an assistant both cut up borrowed handkerchiefs and then restored them
-he had 2 helpers repeatedly shuffle up 2 decks of cards, yet several amazing coincidences happened with these decks (finding cards, matching cards up, etc)
-he repeatedly made a chosen card come back to the top of the pack, no matter where it was inserted in the deck

The evening was a lot of fun. In fact, it could be argued that the show was good because of the magic but great because of the fun. In other words, the show was good because people liked HIM, and then the magic second. Again, this probably sounds pedantic to any magic scholars out there, but it’s an important point regardless. The extension of this argument would be that you can have the world’s most amazing trick but if people aren't interested in you as a character or person, then it won’t matter.

It’s always fun to sit at a good magic show & eavesdrop in on what others are saying about what is going on. As an amateur magician who is somewhat well read with regards to card magic (not greatly well read, not brilliantly well read) and slightly informed about closeup magic in general, it’s educational to hear what people notice as important, amazing, funny, etc. I think that magicians often take certain things for granted & forget what normal folks will find intruiging. Case in point: a few years ago, i used to poopoo the trick where the card repeatedly comes back to the top of the pack, but that trick got one of the biggest reactions because of the way Tamariz scripted & blocked it.

SPOILER ALERT FOR THIS PARAGRAPH!
For part of his show, he brought out 2 other magicians, one from (i believe) Peru and one from (i believe) Argentina. If i’ve got this wrong, i apologize. Though their appearnces in the middle of the show seemed slightly odd in terms of timing & pacing, i did enjoy what they did. The only criticism i would offer would be that it might make sense to explain to the audience what a “Spirit Cabinet” actually is/was, and what the role of the props inside the cabinet represents. One of the magicians did a spirit cabinet act, which has a pretty interesting history, but most folks probably thought it was cool that the tied up guy was able to ring the bell and get the suit jacket on. The criticism i thought i was GOING to have to offer after the show was nicely turned on its head. I’ll put it like this: it’s pretty common thinking in magic that if you make something disappear, and if your audience has any emotional value invested in said object/animal/person, then you’d bloody well better make it come back! One of the performers vanished (!) a rabbit, and then left the stage, and the show went on. I could hear little kids whispering “but what happened to the bunny??!”. An hour later, as she joined Tamariz on stage for his final bow, she produced the rabbit in an amusing way. The kids behind me totally freaked, and i felt like she’d finally dotted the period at the end of the sentence.

*******************************************************
To this day, my favourite magic show that i’ve seen live remains David Ben’s Tricks show. My 2nd favourite would be the Tamariz show. My favourite magical moment (that’s magic, not anything else) would have to be when i was poolside a couple years ago at a convention at 3 a.m., and Tamariz pulled out a bunch of magician fooler tricks. A “magician fooler” is usually done in such a way where the guy/gal performing knows full well that you understand certain principles, and then uses that knowledge against you. Or...it’s just a trick done really well. Regardless, Tamariz was that guy for me (as was David Ben at the same convention, actually - fooling myself & Amazing Dan in the bar). When you become interested in magic, you educate yourself to certain degree, depending on a) your level of interest b) how much you study c) how much money you have to spend on books d) how much of a social life you have.

Sadly, if the above is the case then being fooled is not a feeling that you get very much any more at the average magic show and there’s the tradeoff. Sure, you get to know some secrets - but typically at the cost of being fooled by them later. There are magicians who claim they can “turn off that part of their brain” when watching a performance. I don’t really buy that. Once you know about a particular thing, your brain tends to automatically try to fill in the gaps. Unless a performing is really good at hiding their skill & technique, you’re going to understand much of what went on. I’m not trying to pull a Houdini (who basically was notorious for stating that he couldn’t be fooled by magic tricks). Something that one can do, however, is pay attention to how the “normal“ audience members are reacting and then gauge accordingly.

The audience last night loved Tamariz & what he did, so there you have it!

And of course, i was fooled too.

Review of Star Trek: the Music

2010-06-06T09:48:00.003-04:00

Star Trek: the Music.

I went with friends to see the KW Symphony perform a selection of tunes from the movies & various serious of Star Trek. I should put it out there: i own a boxed set of CDs from the original Star Trek series. I love the music that Alexander Courage put together for that show, probably for nostalgic reasons, but also because it's so damned good & innovative. I am a pretty big Star Trek fan & have been since childhood, so i know most of the music (though not all, as we'll discover later).

We arrived early & popped into the bar for coffee & beer. There were a few people dressed up in costumes from the show. We got to our (excellent) seats - orchestra pit style - and got comfortable for the show. The conductor strode in, and was a dynamic bowtied gentleman who reminded me of Les Nessman's cooler brother. The band launched into various themes from the original series. As my one friend remarked, when the bongos kicked in, it was a done deal. After playing a couple of selections, the tuxedoed hosts walked out, namely Robert Picardo & John DeLancie (or the Doctor & Q, if you will). They were both endearing & funny. A LOT of inside jokes & self-deprecation throughout the evening, which the audience swallowed like (ahem) a finely aged Romulan Ale.

There were some really cool instruments used in the orchestra. A Water-phone, which looked kind of like a bottle with vertical metal bars surrounding it, played with a bow. During the "Wrath of Khan" selections, the band swung those ribbed plastic whistley hoses over their heads, making familiar deep space sounds. I'd forgotten how good the theme from Deep Space 9 was, with the trombones & trumpets soaring above it all.

I was slightly confused by some of the promised visuals/special effects. The visuals seemed to consist of a couple of gobos and a lot of light dimming. The audio stuff included some familiar sound effects i.e. battle sounds, ships decloaking, etc. I had to laugh when Picardo joked "if you recognize that sound as The Genesis Project weapon from Wrath of Khan, you need to get a life". I recognized it. What i did NOT clue into was the fact that the tune from The Next Generation is basically the same as the theme from the first Star Trek movie. I had no idea! I thought the band was making a mistake. I have seen the original movie once, in the theatre. I've seen most of the other ones dozens of times. Time for a rewatch!

There was a real nice dynamic between the conductor - who wasn't afraid to joke & ham it up - and the 2 hosts. That really added to the enjoyment of the show. Lots of good humour between them and many good natured jibes at the show & actors involved. The commentary about Roddenberry stating flat out that Star Trek 5 was the worst movie he'd seen was hilarious, as well as the good natured jabs at Leonard Nimoy trying to get Spock killed off, then revived, etc.

The music sounded great. It brought back a lot of memories for me and i'm sure for the rest of the audience. Everyone there just loved it and gave the band a standing ovation.

Thanks to Cheryl (& Jeff) for the tickets.

BTW: this summer, Star WARS the music is coming to Ontario. If it were in any way possible (and it's not), i think it would be a BRILLIANT thing to take a class of grade school kids to see. They would learn a lot & would already be familiar with all of the music. Total win situation.

Funny Bloopers

2010-06-05T10:41:00.002-04:00

I owe a review of the Star Trek the Music concert i attended. In the meantime, here are some totally funny unrelated bloopers:

Stolen from someone on Facebook (that's right).

Casper the friendly ghost

2010-06-02T17:06:00.001-04:00

I like this song because it's so straight up.

Cologne

2010-05-30T15:31:00.005-04:00

It probably goes without saying that i may be a day late & a dollar short on this topic, but if i EVER was going to wear cologne, clearly this would be it:

I think i'd be less likely to wear the Tiberius cologne, and i think the Pon Farr brand is a perfume for ladies.

General update

2010-05-26T21:01:00.003-04:00

High school reunion coming up in 2 weeks. It's the 22nd reunion. I went to the 10th & had a great time, so i'm looking forward to this one.

It really only seems like yesterday that i was still in high school, but when i think about it, a heck of a lot of stuff has happened since then. Some things remain very constant in my life though. I kind of feel like life is one big weird adventure where you're trying to figure out how to have fun, be responsible, make friends & help people and i guess i'll just continue down that path.

I have done some pretty interesting things since high school, much of them tied into music & performing music. I'm not even that great of a musician, but i like having fun with my friends & being somewhat creative & music is a decent way to do that.

It was interesting at the last reunion to see how everyone was doing. People generally seemed really happy & cool with where they were at. So this one should be fun too.

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I liked the season finale of Lost. I know many folks didn't. I think that sometimes when a show ties any kind of religious or faith based sentiment into the finale, there's often a knee jerk reaction to that. I didn't feel that way. I was looking for feelings more than answers and it left me feeling sad but happy at the same time, so that is good.

#############

I watered some lettuce today. Karla planted some (i don't think it was from seeds). I am afraid that the rabbit that hangs out around my house will eat it all but if he does, i guess that's ok. He's gotta make a living too.

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I'm happy to report that since i got on the supply list for Waterloo, i've been getting a good steady stream of work. It's keeping me busy & that is great.

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It's almost my 40th birthday which should seem significant but isn't really.

Liar!

2010-05-23T11:37:00.004-04:00

Ahahahahaha!

Read this article about the possible retirement of Ronald McDonald.

Best part:
"He is a force for good," Skinner said, adding that the nearly 50-year-old clown is an ambassador for the McDonald's brand and its Ronald McDonald House Charities.

"He communicates effectively with children and families around balanced, active lifestyles. He does not hawk food," said Skinner.

Ronald clearly hawking food to children (possibly with the help of a hawk):

Ronald hawking food to non-human children:

Ronald indoctrinating children into what can only be described as Ronald's Youth Core (note the clown-jackboots & goosestepping...or "goodtime" stepping):

Ronald hawking food in Australia (for Lala & ASW if you still read this thing):

No...he doesn't hawk food. Clearly.

RIP Martin Gardner

2010-05-22T22:32:00.004-04:00

Sad news for mathematicians, annotation-o-philes, skeptics, magicians and other social misfits: Martin Gardner has passed away.

Gardner authored far too many interesting books to name. He was, best put, a polymath. A very intelligent, creative man with expert knowledge in many areas. I first recall reading some of his mathematical magic/puzzle books when i was in grade school. They were fun!

He was an expert on the history behind the book "The Expert at the Card Table", and had done a large amount of research trying to track down the pseudonymned author back in the mid-earlier part of the last century. In fact, when Toronto magician Ben Train put together an Erdnase appreciation society a few months back, the first surprise guest was none other than Martin Gardner himself! Ben called him on the phone and Gardner recounted some of his theories & adventures related to his research into Erdnase as a room full of amateur & professional magicians sat there listening attentively. It was a surreal experience.

You can read a little about this very interesting man here.

RIP Mr Gardner.

Four Dollar Haircut

2010-05-16T11:51:00.002-04:00

Here is a movie that my friend Vince appeared in a couple of years ago. It was in the HotDocs festival in Toronto.

As a guy who just buzzes off his hair, the $4 price tag seems outrageously expensive to me, but hey, what can you do?

Brad Bird should direct...

2010-05-12T19:22:00.003-04:00

...Shazam!

I've been trying to think of who should direct the Captain Marvel (Shazam) movie, if it ever ends up happening.

I've narrowed it down to Brad Bird. He's the guy who directed the Iron Giant & also the Incredibles. He seems to have a good perception on how to work with movies involving child characters & also weirdos (aliens, superbeings, etc).

I keep trying to write a script for a Shazam movie, but haven't gotten anywhere with it. Hell, i still have to finish the time travel stories...and i will...but i really want SOMEONE to write & direct a great Shazam movie. I am afraid that if it ever gets made, it won't live up to my expectations.

But - and i'm being serious - i think that Brad Bird could do it. If you have read a good number of Captain Marvel comics & have seen some of Bird's movies, i think you'll agree with me on this.

Crystal lite

2010-05-06T20:59:00.005-04:00

"Excuse me, a girl is drinking booze!!"

"Pardon me? Are you sure?"

"Yes. My mom told me about it."

(Goes off to investigate. It's water with a Crystal Lite packet mixed in.)

"That's actually not booze. It's Crystal Lite, it's fruit flavoured water. You just mix powder in to water. It's kind of like Kool Aid for grownups."

"Oh. Well, when I asked my mom if I could have some of hers, she said it was like booze and not for kids."

"Hmm. Well, sometimes parents like to keep some treats to themselves, I guess."

Back from CAM convention

2010-05-04T20:39:00.005-04:00

My brain is melting down right now (slept about 8 hours total over 3 days) so my convention report won’t be all that detailed.

I had a really good time at the CAM convention in Kitchener. I spent most of it working on the tech side of things alongside my buddy Dan McLean Jr. We ran the audio/video stuff along along with Nick Sacco & Sandy. As a result, i spent most of my time on cameras filming the lectures so they could be seen from the back of the hall. We had some good gear so we were able to elicit comments like JC Wagner saying, “I wish you could see this technique up close - hey wait, well there it is up on the screen - that’s a great shot!”.

Highlights
JC Wagner. I had NO idea that he was going to be at the convention until i read it on my program at 8 am on Thursday morning. He lived up to every single expectation/impression that i have ever had of him. He entertained people in the bar. He watched anyone who wanted to perform a trick or two for him. He told great stories. He laughed a lot. He carried around a brand new pipe that he’d bought while down for the trip. He shared & helped in any way he could. All class & all cool are the best words to describe his presence at the convention. I can honestly say that watching him work for people in the bar was a total thrill.

Henry Evans. I first heard of Evans by watching his “Ten cuts” trick on video. His lecture was really fun. He has a great presence - he’s a fun, happy & enthusiastic guy who will fool the crap out of you. During the close up show, he performed “Ten cuts” and got a well deserved standing ovation. He also gave a bunch of us a couple of moments that are on par with what Tamariz did a few years ago. Whilst hanging out in the hospitality suite, he borrowed James Alan’s deck & proceeded to do some really impossible stuff a la “The Trick that Cannot Be Explained”. I watched as a table full of fairly hardcore card magicians peed themselves silly while giggling as cards appeared at chosen numbers, 4 of a kinds were found in highly improbable ways, etc. I kept my eye on Bob Sheets during all of this and the smile on his face was a good indicator of it all. Kudos to Henry’s assistant (?) for helping me out with some great camera work during the lecture.

Bob Sheets: hilarious. Really easy to work with from a backstage point of view. Great with people. Entertained the crap out of everyone with his shells & dice routines in the hospitality suite. If i were a billionaire, i'd hire him to come entertain my snooty guests with his down home yokel truck driver charm so they'd think "well, who is this rube" but then THEY'D be the rubes. Gave me a free dvd for working tech on his show.

Working tech crew: i volunteer at CAM with my friend Amazing Dan (who is an audio engineer by trade). This year i took on more responsiblity with him and we worked really hard (along with Nick Sacco, Sandy and others). We didn’t get to sleep very much & neither of us “jammed” much, but it was worth it because people could see & hear everything from any point in the room. The above mentioned quote from JC Wagner made it worth it. Hearing things like “I could see everything” from someone sitting 100 feet back during an elastic band trick felt good.

The Close Up competition: there were some good things that i saw this year in the close up magic competition. Roger Boucher, Stephen Kirkegard, Nicholas Wallace & Michael Dardant all gave really solid performances.

Getting a bed to crash in: i live pretty close to the convention, but it still costs me an hour or so of sleep to get back & forth each night. The convention provides Dan with a room, and he offered the other bed to me after the first night. This made my life a lot easier.

Samson: there was this big kid from Taiwan named Samson at the convention who was one of the most enthusiastic spectators/magicophiles i’ve seen in a long time. He hammed things up just right when he got up on stage & was a great spectator.

Justin (sorry i don’t know his last name): there was a kid up from the States - i believe that he was there with his uncle Mike Robinson who was performing. I had a few conversations with him about Royal Road and other great old books. This guy is passionate about magic. At one point in the bar, a girl’s volleyball team came in. I suspect they thought he was “cute”, and at one point, one of them asked if he knew any magic. He went to town on them. Soon he had a crowd of young kids gathered around him as he performed stuff from Royal Road and other books. The kids were laughing & going nuts at the magic. I walked away after a while and thought “that’s what it’s all about”.

Jeff Pinsky: Jeff is one of my favourite people & owns Browser’s Den of Magic. There was a dealer show where they each got 5 minutes or so to demo stuff to the crowd from the stage. Mark Mason & Harry Allen were great to watch. Everyone showed many different tricks. While all of the dealer demos were great, Jeff came on stage wearing huge coke bottle glasses, smirking like the village idiot and proceeded to demonstrate 4 or 5 different milk pitchers, without speaking a single word. He ended by pouring milk down his trousers, and then skulked off in to the wings. Most bizarre & hilarious thing ever. I laughed so hard i cried.

Shawn Farquhar: sure - his magic is great - but his stories are even better! He told some amazing & funny stories during his lecture. This gentleman is instantly likable & has a great rapport with people.

Charlie Frye: I did not get to see his stage show because i desperately needed to sleep. However, i did get to see him doing some stuff in the hospitality suite and man he is a great showman! He did some great coin magic, dice stacking & juggling.

One of the only downsides was that due to the volcanic ash problem, Lennart Green was not able to make the convention. This was really too bad, but honestly, there was so much other great stuff happening that it was just fine. Hopefully he will come here someday!

I am also sad that i missed Mike Robinson doing his vent act...i love a good ventriloquist act & was told that he was great.

As always, the best things about conventions are hanging out with people you’ve not seen in a long time and making new friends. Congrats to Joan Caesar & the gang for another fun convention.

CAM tomorrow

2010-04-28T19:53:00.004-04:00

Starting tomorrow i am off to the CAM convention in Kitchener. It's a magic event. You can look at it one of two ways. Either it is an event where lowly obsessed amateurs get to mingle/watch/learn from top notch pros, or it's a time for a bunch of oddball men to show card tricks to one and other in the bar until 4 a.m.. Or both. Either way, it's a load of fun & you get to see some old friends, take in some great magic & stay up very very late.

I will be helping my friend Amazing Dan with some of the tech aspects of the weekend. I think the last time, i helped with some of the video camera work. Not sure if i'm doing that again, but whatever it is, it will be fun & a learning experience.

I will likely be out of touch until Sunday at some point. I am not renting a room this time around, so i'll be coming back & forth each night at a very late hour. Don't call too early in the morning!

Stephen Hawking vs the Aliens

2010-04-26T21:47:00.006-04:00

So today on the radio i heard a bit of a program that talked about Stephen Hawking talking about the possibility of aliens existing. Basically it sounded as if he was stating that if there ARE aliens out there, they probably wouldn't be very friendly to us and might treat us the way Europeans did when they came to the New World.

I could do some internet research and find out more about what he said, but why should i? If the aliens are truly on their way as Stephen Hawking promised, we're all doomed anyhow. I mean, if they end up showing up and look like this

we're basically screwed.

If there's one thing i've learned about Stephen Hawking, though, it's that he always has an ace up his sleeve. Literally.

Remember that episode of Star Trek the Next Generation? The one where Hawking was playing poker against Einstein & Newton & Data? Something tells me that maybe the only reason Hawking is suddenly warning us about aliens is because he's PERSONALLY INVITED SOME to come to our planet AND DESTROY US ALL!!! That's right, i'm labeling Stephen Hawking as a traitor to the human race. If i'm wrong, well, i apologize.

Or maybe he just read HG Wells' "War of the Worlds" and is quoting the philosophy behind it pretty much verbatim.

Keep your eyes fixed upon the heavens, i guess.

Mancakes

2010-04-24T23:21:00.004-04:00

Oh i almost forgot - here is a picture of a MASSIVE PANCAKE!!!

Karla made them for breakfast this morning. There are still some sitting in the oven, waiting to be eaten tomorrow morning. They have all kinds of healthy stuff in them but STILL TASTE GOOD. Sesame seeds, flax, yogurt, etc. This ain't no Aunt Jemima, son.

Of course we topped them off with REAL MAPLE SYRUP. I cannot abide the fake stuff anymore. It's just not good. Like eating processed cheese slices instead of a nice 3 year old cheddar. You'd think that living in Canada, maple syrup would be affordable, but it's very expensive here. A mason jar of it costs more than 20 bucks, but it's worth it.

I took a jar of maple syrup to Hawaii once. I was going to visit family and also to study martial arts for a few weeks. I figured that i'd bring something different for the Japanese/Hawaiian teacher. When i gave it to him, he looked like i'd just given him cod liver oil. So i guess it's not everyone's cup of tea.

So, yes, pancakes in the morning and they're actually quite healthy and hearty.

Macho, even.

By the Power of Grey Skull!

2010-04-24T16:40:00.004-04:00

Here, watch this intro before i get into today's post:

It's the intro to the He-Man cartoon. I am about to put forth that no matter how you might feel about this cartoon, be it nostalgia or otherwise, it's one of the most ridiculous things you've ever seen.

I'll explain why.

First, the so called back-story. So there's a dude named Prince Adam, who is friends with a) a giant talking cat named "Cringer", b) a crappy magical floating Jawa and c) some random guy with a dad-stache called Man-at-Arms. Adam has a magic sword. We don't know how long he has had this sword, or what possessed him to hold it aloft & shout (randomly) "By the power of Greyskull", but hey, when he did he got magic powers! Not jeers. Not comments on his bowl cut. Powers!

So apparently none of Adam or his friends have noticed how attractive the Sorceress is. That's OK, they're probably not into women who change into birds. Not everyone is.

Then we launch into the whole thing about the villains. What I don't understand is why Skeletor is named Skeletor. The villains are weird. They're like a cross between D&D and the Borg from Star Trek.

I'm going to say it: He-Man just looks like Prince Adam with his shirt off.

To make matters even worse, right after He-Man tells you how he got his powers, he hauls off and punches you right in the face!

If you can force yourself to get through even one episode, you will come to the quick conclusion that a) NOTHING in this show makes any sense and b) clearly, the entire show was put together to sell a bunch of toys. I know that other shows have done this before and since, but this cartoon was such a freaking gong show that it's blatantly obvious. I am pretty sure that the show was written by asking a group of 5 year old boys for random ideas, writing them on paper & then drawing them from a hat.

I do wonder if anyone has ever noticed that if you put Rush's "2112" on and watch any He-Man episode with the sound off, it TOTALLY syncs up!

I can't wait to go talk about Thundercats - possibly the 2nd worst cartoon ever made.

Can't we all relate

2010-04-22T21:08:00.002-04:00

Did i find this? No.

This is the internet, where whoever posts first (or appears to) can pretend to claim full credit for having invented the item in question.

Regardless, we can surely all relate to the things in that video. All of those things have happened to me at one time or another in my life.

Font

2010-04-17T12:43:00.008-04:00

So i bought a font the other day. I don't plan on baptizing any babies - it's a computer font.

A couple of years ago i picked up "Revelation".

It's a huge book that was put together by David Ben. Many years ago, Canadian magic great Dai Vernon put together an annotated version of S.W. Erdnase's "The Expert at the Card Table". The book that was released was likely not the version that Vernon had actually intended to put out. What David Ben has done is to basically expand on the Vernon book by utilizing source material that remained hidden for decades. There are never before seen photos, tricks, technique descriptions, etc - all things that make a magicobibliophile squeal with delight. It is, simply put, a beautiful book full of interesting things.

Part of what i noticed about this book was that there were some very nifty fonts used. The chapter headings really caught my eye. As it turned out, at the back of the book it was mentioned that some of the font used was in fact created especially for the book. It was created by Andrew Leman. He used samples of Vernon's handwriting to create the distinctive font. I was not aware of this as i read the book - i simply figured that it was one of the bajillion fonts out there and thought that it looked classy and nostalgic all at the same time.

A couple of months back it came to my attention that the font would be available for purchase. I wasn't actually considering a purchase until a few weeks ago when i realized that i would in fact need business cards for substitute teaching purposes. I wanted something plain but different in a subtle way. I decided that using this font - which i like for aesthetic & perhaps a touch of "fan-boy" reasons - might be the way to go. I know that there will be dozens & dozens of magicians who will likely do the same for their business cards, but i doubt that many substitute teachers will be using it. In fact, i doubt anyone will really consciously notice it.

The scan doesn't do the font justice. I also used the more subdued of the 2 fonts available.

Do you have a favourite font? Perhaps such things do not register on your radar. That would be understandable - it is after all just a detail. Just ask Da Vinci*.

I'll let you know if the business cards are helpful in drumming up some more work. If so, we'll give the font all the credit!

*whom Vernon was fond of quoting, namely "Details make for perfection, but the perfection is no mere detail" or something close to that.

LHOTP

2010-04-15T06:35:00.004-04:00

Recently i found some episodes of "Little House on the Prairie" online.

When that show came out, i was initially reluctant to watch it, for obvious reasons (getting harassed at school, for example). However, my sisters watched it enough that i ended up watching it by osmosis & really liked it. I thought i might take the time to write down some of the things that make LHOTP a totally KILLER SHOW!!!

- Charles gets in fights: for a show that touted family values so much, there was a surprising amount of fighting that went on in this show. As an adult, i don't condone violence & would recommend against fighting. If, however, i lived on a prairie over 100 years ago, i'd be all for it! Remember that baseball episode where they all got in a brawl? Or what about when Charles tried to take on those 2 lecherous brothers and got totally destroyed! Yikes!
- Albert: Albert was a pretty ridiculous character to begin with. So why not put him in an episode where he dresses up as a werewolf & chucks a giant paper mache rock to scare off the school bully? Or why not create an episode where he becomes a hardcore morphine addict, complete with projectile vomiting?
- some sissy kids weren't allowed to watch the episode where Mary went blind because their babysitters made them turn the TV off because it was "too traumatic".
- the Victor French character was basically a deranged but lovable hobo (Mr. Edwards) who magically followed Charles Ingles to Heaven when he became an angel.
- Mr Olsen. Say no more.

Jump the shark moments?
- when Nellie died & they replaced her with "Nancy", who was played by a boy wearing a big blond wig
- Albert
- the whole creepy Almonzo/Laura relationship
- the Ingles become millionaires

Most awesome moment of the show?
After the show was done, they made some made-for-TV movies. In one of them, everybody in town got suckered by the railroad into signing contracts that forfeited their land. The railroad owned the whole town. So what did the people do? They dynamited the whole town, destroying every building in site. So totally out of character for the show that it was just fantastic.

Hercules! Hercules!

2010-04-14T17:39:00.004-04:00

Let's talk Hercules. As in the old TV cartoon.

Pros:
- excellent theme song! Truly excellent. It soars. Johnny Nash could sing sing sing.
- the animation, though crude, is pretty classy.
- it's a cartoon with centaurs. That's pretty nifty.
- awesome gadgets (the mask of Vulcan, the moonstone belt, that ring, the bow and arrow, Toot's flute, etc)
- Hercules' skirt never flies up too high whilst he is jumping down from Mt. Olympus (this depends on your point of view).
- Toot

Cons:
- Newton.
- like the craptacular "Clash of the Titans", their version of Greek mythology is based entirely on what we might label as "creative license", or rather: ask a 4 year old to make up Greek mythology, and this cartoon is what you might end up with.
- Hercules' skirt never flies up too high whilst he is jumping down from Mt. Olympus (this depends on your point of view).
- recycled actors. Tell me that you haven't noticed that Wilhemina is basically Helena with a wig & a longer, rattier dress, or that the Mask is just Daedalus with a garbage can on his head.

This cartoon was another one of those wacko kid cartoons. It was either on at 5:30 a.m. or at lunchtime, and was only shown on crummy channels like the ones you get from cottage country.

Here is the theme song:

And here's an episode of the show:

Notice how Newton repeats everything twice, like some sort of Greek version of Jacob Two-Two. There was an episode where this awesome centaur named Notwen showed up and was way more butch than Newton. He totally impressed Hercules and then Herc basically bro-dumped Newton which made him cry but then he realized he was having a nightmare. And it turns out that Notwen is Newton spelled backwards.

Natsirt.

The weird thing about this show is that it features the classic Japanese motif of the hero doing some repeated ritual/pulling out a weapon/etc and then kicking butt. I'm sure this was a coincidence and not copied off the Japanese. Whenever there's trouble, Herc puts on the ring. Sinbad Jr (another cartoon) pulled his magic belt to get strong. Voltron had a blazing sword. Dragon Ball Z does some wacky thing too. Or howabout the bajillion Japanese cartoons where they form a giant robot? It's always the same solution to EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM that comes up. Can you imagine if life were like that? Something goes wrong at work, no problem, put your power ring on and sock your way out of a bad business deal. You get pulled over for a speeding ticket? Blazing sword, no problem.

Anyway, that's Hercules for you.

Moral of the story: if there's fighting, then you shoulda put a ring on it.

Rocket Robin Hood vs Spider-Man

2010-04-12T17:51:00.006-04:00

No, this isn't one of those ridiculous DC vs Marvel type of debates. Because if it were, Spidey would take all the Merry Men out with only 3 jokes.

Let's talk more about childhood TV shows.

There was a period of time back in the late 1970s when our family stayed up in Markdale, ON. Our house was being built in Whitby & the crooked builder (Moe Rosen) kept on pushing out the finish date. We ended up having to crash with a bunch of friends of the family for an extended period of time, and one of these sojurns took us up to Markdale to stay with the Dunlop family.

Everyone who let us stay with them was very good to us. We stayed in Markdale for several weeks, as i recall it. I think i was probably 8 years old at the time.

There wasn't a lot on the one or two TV channels that they got up that way. There REALLY wasn't a lot on for kids. Spider-Man was on once a week. Max (some show about a mouse who loved History) was on daily, as was Rocket Robin Hood. It got to a point where i was so desperate for TV that Rocket Robin Hood actually began to look pretty good to me.

Rocket Robin Hood was a cartoon created in Canada sometime in the late 1960s. I believe that it was put together by the same folks who did Spider-Man (i don't need to check the internet to know this is true - more on that later). It was pretty much what the title suggests - Robin Hood & his band of Merry Men in space, sometime in the future.

There are several weird things about the show. While the show typically ran for 1/2 an hour (with ads), it needs to be mentioned that every day at least 1/2 of the show seemed to be made up of 3 or 4 repeated sequences. So, each day, you got to watch Friar Tuck eating a bunch of drumsticks & hams and chucking them over his shoulder (i always theorized that he had another table parked directly behind him), and then got to watch as he bowled guys over with his massive gut in a fight.

Or you got to learn about Little John's main weapon, the "electro quarter staff", whatever that means (wouldn't you likely get shocked every time you picked it up to fight with someone?).

It did have a pretty kick ass theme song, maybe almost as good as its cousin Hercules' theme (sung & penned by Johnny Nash):

I may have addressed this before, but now let's talk about how i know that it was made by the folks who made Spider-Man. Once you watch both shows, you realize that the crappy animation is eerily similar, and that many of the backgrounds are recycled. There was at least one episode that, once you got past the introduction, was EXACTLY the same. Exactly. Same storyline, same villain, same visuals, etc. The only difference was the start and end of the story. The Rocket Robin Hood story started & ended with them floating in space (i think - it WAS over 25 years ago) and Spidey started & ended with him falling or something. Or maybe that was the episode where he flew a ship that looked exactly like a Rocket Robin Hood one...hmm...

The crux of the show was that there was this weird guy who could make you see crazy illusions. The illusions were so real that the characters involved thought the guy could control reality - until at one point, Robin/Spidey closes his eyes and realizes that he's still floating in space/falling through a Manhattan skyline. Once he figures out that it's just illusion, dude is powerless. Powerless!!

Oh, see for yourself:

Rocket Robin Hood - "Dementia 5"

Spider-Man - "Revolt in the 5th Dimension".

The preamble takes a little longer in the Spidey cartoon - at about the 4 minute mark or so, things get eerily similar to the Rocket Robin Hood episode. When i first clued in to the similarities between these episodes, there was a brief moment where i questioned whether i had actually fallen into the 5th dimension.

Perhaps i have.

Polka Dot Door

2010-04-10T13:37:00.011-04:00

That's the intro to Imagination Day on the old TV Ontario show "the Polka Dot Door". It was a kid's program that ran back in the 70s,80s, and maybe the 90s? Not sure. I wouldn't say it was a favourite of mine, but i certainly watched a fair amount of it.

It was a bit of an odd show. The show usually featured two adults, one male, one female, who went by their first names. Instead of animated puppets, the cast members spent their time talking to inanimate stuffed toys, for example:

This made the action on the show a little...slow. No jumping muppets, no funny hand puppets, etc. Perhaps it lent the show a certain gravitas, but not to worry, because all of that was squelched by this character:

The Polkaroo was, mildly put, pure madness. Was he a dinosaur? Was he a baseball mascot? Why could he only say "Polkaroo"? Why (like Bob & Snuffleupagus) did he only show up when the male host was not around? Why did he wear a dress? Was he a he? To a 5 year old, this was all pretty mysterious.

Here's a typical example of the kind of stuff Polkaroo got up to on an average day:

So on that day when my brother, sister, and mother (along with family friends) got to actually GO to see the Polka Dot Door being filmed in the studio, on that day i figured that it was time for a reckoning. I had a LOT of questions to be answered. It didn't matter that i was 7 years old - i had things on my mind. The first of which was "what ACTUALLY happens when you peek into the polka dot on the Polka Dot Door"?? There was a sequence in the show where they would take you on some sort of adventure by zooming in on a polka dot (which i believe would open) and then you'd be in a factory watching hot dogs being made (note: i'd link to Wondershowzen here, but that might not be such a good idea).

It turns out that as they say "now let's peek through the polka dot", the camera zooms in and they later edit in some stock footage of a factory or farm. You don't actually "go" to the place mentioned a moment before. This was a little mind-crushing to my mind at the time. I fully expected that we'd be transported somewhere else.

The other thing that was odd about watching the show being filmed was that none of the scenes were shot in order, and thus it seemed like time was skipping all over the place. The actors were shown eating a cake, and "CUT!" was shouted, and in the next scene they began talking about the ingredients they'd need for the cake, cut again, and then they talked about how they were hungry & should make a cake. To a 7 year old, this made no sense whatsoever.

The last question that was not in fact answered was that of Polkaroo. I wanted to ask the male actor why he never got to see Polkaroo, but just before the Polkaroo scene was filmed, he zipped out the door off set. A few minutes later Polkaroo emerged from the same door, but i didn't see the man come back, so i didn't get to ask him...

There you have it. A trip through the Polka Dot Door only leaves the mind confused with questions unanswered, haunting me to this very day.

Mother's Day

2010-04-06T20:34:00.004-04:00

I had an interesting discussion about Mother's Day today with a youngster. I asked him what he had done for Mother's Day last year for his mom and he told me he caught a spider & dropped it down the back of her jacket. Now before you think the worst of this story, keep in mind how much effort he probably had to go to in order to a) catch the spider b) sneak up and deposit it and c) how much trouble he probably got in for it.

When i asked him why he'd done such a thing, he stated "i thought it would make my dad laugh" (which it possibly did). I mentioned that he might want to refrain from those kinds of presents, or at least do them on Father's Day. Or drop the spider down Dad's jacket on Mother's Day.

update?

2010-04-05T18:23:00.003-04:00

(not part of the time travel stuff that is taking forever to end - but that's the nature of temporal stuff...)

Eventually, all bloggers end up apologizing for the lack of frequency in their posts. Well, i'm not going to do that. I will instead point to a time when i was chained to a desk, and was often posting 2 or 3 times DAILY. So hopefully, that averages things out.

I am struggling a little bit with what to write about, or namely, what i feel i can and cannot write about here. I also recognize that for the 3 people who actually enjoy/get the time travel stories, i owe you a solid finish on that. I'm working on it.

I've just been very busy! Busy busy. I've been volunteering a lot all year in a variety of schools, trying to gain experience. Recently, through a series of lucky events/hard work/helpful mentors, i've been able to gain employment as a substitute teacher. This is a big step forward & something i'm very happy about.

Karla has moved in with me here in town, and we're in the middle of a world of boxes & packing crates. So far only one cat is here but another is set to beam down soon. Pets!

Do i have anything wacky/funny/crazy to tell you? Not really. We took a trip to Pennsylvania & New Jersey a few weeks back & that was fun. My Aunt & Uncle in Jersey took us to a fun brew pub that had some great beer & food. I walked in Valley Green a lot - i had no clue that there was an entrance to it right near my Aunt & Uncle's place! I did some magic with my cousin's sons, as seen here:

That's about it.

NoWhere part 3 (23)

2010-03-10T16:24:00.003-05:00

This is much easier than I initially anticipated it was going to be.

In fact, it's so easy that it's barely a challenge. And where's the fun in that?

One by one, they are falling in front of me, and they have no idea why I am beating them all so badly. Ultimately, it's a question of just how far one is willing to go to win, and trust me, I've gone far.

Much farther than I should have gone, had I wanted to retain my sanity. But there's a price to everything, and you pay it if you think the trade off is worth it.

There's a certain point that one can travel to with respect to time travel. Time is supposedly limitless, but it's actually not. Like everything, it has a beginning, and an end, and you cannot go past either point.

Well, in theory you can't...let's just say that I was not able to go past the endpoint of time, but I was able to find a back door, a way of bypassing it, but it was not easy. If you can get your hands on a portable (black) hole, a crystal from an Atlantian pyramid, a Veroboorian duo-chrono-generator, and the right mathematical formula, you're golden.

Now, if you go PAST the endpoint of time, you open certain channels in your brain. These allow you to have some insight into the way events will unfold - not totally insight, more like a 2nd or 3rd sight. Thus, even as I record this log of my exploits mid-battle, I know that in 37 seconds, 46 is going to come over the hill wearing a 2134 A.D. vintage replica Magneto power-inducing magno-helmet. I suppose this was why I armed myself with ultra-resin projectiles. I didn't know why I initially brought that weapon, but as I said before, having 3rd sight can help.

So on we go. Let the best man win.

No Where part 2

2010-02-13T18:01:00.007-05:00

There's a gut wrenching crack across the sky and suddenly there are hundreds of us there. We managed to chase 23 down to this lack of place. It took years to tracking him, until we eventually figured out that he was in fact leaving us clues, because he actually wanted us to find him.

There is no stalling. We launch into attack.

85 comes leaping from 2 km away, wearing a 27th century exoskeletal-amplifier unit. He lands a short distance from 23, and raises a deflecto-ray gauntlet and takes aim. Unfortunately, 23 releases a 32nd century luminovirus that enters through the optical sensors and renders the unit inert. The suit locks up, 85 crashes to the ground and lays there feeble and unable to move.

44 materializes from the shadows. His fingers contort as he begans chanting incantations. The air begins to hum and glow white. The 7 Orbs of Argenor shimmer into existence around his head, and flames arc down enveloping 23. 23 is prepared, though, and from his pocket pulls out the Golden Cord of Elisdor, which absorbs the blast. He utters 2 words, and the Cord whips through the air, binding 44's hands and render him powerless. 23 opens a portal and 44's soul is removed from his body.

7 comes soaring down from out of the grey sky in a flying canoe, wielding a musket. 23 launches a rocket filled with gravity dust. The rocket explodes, the dust blows onto the canoe, and it comes crashing down with a mass 20 times of what it should be.

The battle goes on like this for hours. With every attempt we make, 23 has prepared a counter measure.

We fall one by one.

No Where part 1

2010-02-08T20:38:00.001-05:00

Ah, it truly begins now.

There are approximately 700 crackles in the air, and the hair on my arms stands on end.  Then the is a staggered BANG and there before me are literally hundreds of versions of myself and their machines. I have young 11 stowed away behind me in a electro-cage - I decided to go retro on this one.

Here we are, No Where. That place that exists between worlds. They’re here because they know that I intend to expand No Where, and make everywhere No Where. And that’s just the start.

So here they are. 41 year old version of me, wearing a tuxedo. 75 year old me, left arm replaced by a prosthetic tentacle (it can still hold a deck of cards). There’s 56 year old me, temporarily pigmented a mauve plaid colour (once tattoo removal was perfected, people began dying themselves various shades of the rainbow with no real commitment).

Of course they’ve come to stop me. I’m sure that one of them will act as a spokesperson. It’s funny, everyone always says that it’s the villain who spouts off their plan at a moment like these, and that this is their undoing. I have actually found that it’s typically the hero who pontificates, spewing forth rhetoric at precisely the wrong time.

It doesn’t matter. I’m ready for them, and I’m going to erase them all.

My goddam lousy tribute to JD Salinger

2010-01-28T20:52:00.001-05:00

This is taken from a message board that i posted on earlier:

When i was an altar boy back in grade 9, somehow the topic of "Catcher in the Rye" came up after church one day. The priest heard one of the other guys mention the book and FLIPPED out on us, started screaming about what a "filthy, fitlhy, evil book" it was. He went off on it for about 10 minutes.

The next day i of course went to the library and took it out and read it. I didn't understood what the fuss was. It didn't seem that crazy, especially compared to, oh, say, "Porky's".

Also, this heartfelt tribute is coincidentally the first thing i've ever found funny on The Onion.

2010-01-26T16:56:00.001-05:00

SHAZAM!!!

Paul Quarrington

2010-01-23T12:04:00.008-05:00

I don't usually feel comfortable writing these kinds of posts. It's not that i won't do it, but i sometimes question my right to do so without the person's expressed permission. But that never stopped anyone.

Paul Quarrington passed away last week from illness. He was a guy who wore many hats, and wore them well. He was the author of many good books.

Like many people close to my age, i was introduced to Quarrington's work through the Rheostatics' inspirational album "Whale Music". The title of this record was taken from a novel of Quarrington's. Shortly after i discovered this album (and don't we always "discover" great things?), i went to the library and got my hands on the book. I think i read it in about 3 days. The book is, on the surface, about a washed up Brian Wilson-esque character who is trying to make a great album. The story was fantastic, but what really got me was Quarrington's ability to take things that i was familiar with - such as the life story of Brian Wilson - and turn them into something else. This was something that remained fairly constant throughout his novels. He took people whose lives i was familiar with and explored them in his own unique way.

Two things about Quarrington outside of his novel writing struck close to home for me. One of them is the fact that for years, my dad played in a Trivia League with Quarrington in Toronto. He got to know him a little bit, and from his descriptions, Paul came across as an intelligent, humourous rapscallion. I remember my father telling me that time & time again, Paul was the go-to guy whenever it came to music related questions (he was, after all, an accomplished musician with a large amount of touring, recording & writing under his belt).

The other thing was that Quarrington, at least for a time, frequented one of my favourite haunts in Toronto: Browser's Den of Magic. He began going there when he was writing "The Spirit Cabinet", a book that uses real life people such as Siegfried & Roy, Copperfield, etc as a basis for some of the characters. In fact, Quarrington wrote this article about Browser's Den. I always hoped to run into him there, but never did.

Over the years, i attended various readings & book launches at which Paul Quarrington was the centre of attention. I always enjoyed hearing him read, but never approached him afterwards.

It wasn't until a couple of years ago at Guelph's Hillside Music Festival that I spoke to him for the first and last time. I was heading over to play a workshop, and i spotted a man jovially lurching along, an open beer in his hand. Now, open beer is a no-no at the festival, at least outside of the beer tents. It's a crime we've probably all been guilty of, and quite forgivable to my mind. But here was Paul Quarrington, looking like he was enjoying the walk and enjoying the beer. I walked up to him and said, "Excuse me, Mr. Quarrington" and he instantly looked freaked out. It should be known that my father, brother & i all sound remarkably similar when we speak, so the next thing i said was, "I'm the son of Jim O'Malley, you used to play trivia with him. That's why my voice probably sounds familiar". He laughed and said, "yeah, that IS weird. You sound exactly like him". I explained the normal schlock - that i was a fan of his books & music, and asked if he was having a good time. He was. Sadly, the thing i wanted to ask him about the most - if he still went to Browser's Den and if he still practiced card tricks - was the thing that i forgot to ask. Ah well. At any rate, he was jovial & cordial to a fan, and that's all one can hope for when meeting a hero. It's a nice memory for me.

My advice to you and to myself is to check out his books. Pick up any of them, there are no clunkers in the bunch. They're weird, mysterious, saddening, uplifting, gritty, odd and magical all at the same time - and often damned funny. Simply put, they're human, and books well worth reading.

That's the beauty of writing, and of all art. After you've passed on, people can still get to know you by reading what you've written. RIP Paul Quarrington. I'm looking forward to getting to know you again.

You spin me right 'round

2010-01-22T19:15:00.003-05:00

Sorry, not a time travel post. Though I expect that perhaps the vertigo that i'm experiencing these past couple of days may in fact be a side effect of temporal traversing.

I woke up at 2 am a couple of nights back and the room was rapidly spinning out of control. Got up to head to the washroom and had to hold the walls & doors to make it with out falling down. I ended up vomiting (sorry) several times throughout the night. I had not done that in over 20 years. No fun.

When i got up in the morning, the room had stopped spinning but i was quite dizzy still. If i stood up for more than a few seconds at a time, everything would start to spin again. I took a cab to the hospital and unfortunately there is no where to lie down in the waiting room, so i came very close to throwing up again. Luckily i didn't have to wait too long, and the nurse let me lie down on a bed. They even gave me oxygen!

After a bunch of tests (and having contacts rip off body hair), they figured that it wasn't neurological & probably something going on in the inner ear. The doctor diagnosed it as positional vertigo.

I slept OK last night (probably helped along by Gravol) and today do not feel anywhere near as bad - but that's a relative thing. I'm still dizzy & weak, but at least i don't feel like i drank 2 bottles of Jack Daniels prior to getting on the Tilt-a-Whirl for 7 rides.

Hopefully this clears up quickly, because it's a bit boring. I've had to miss volunteering & cannot really read or be on the computer for very long (it took a while to piece this together...).

Thanks to friends for offering to bring me stuff, and thanks to Cheryl for dropping off some Gravol & grub.

Summons

2010-01-09T10:07:00.004-05:00

I sit in a garden in China, 2000 years in the past. It is beautiful here. I am sipping tea when the alarm in my molar begins to vibrate. I check the status, put the tea on the table and head for the forest where I've parked it.

In the meantime, I'm in one of Al Capone's boozecans in Chicago. He's supposed to drop in tonight, but i doubt i'll get the chance to see him because the neurosensor imbedded in my skull is transmitting imagery to my right eye. It would appear that someone is summoning me. I activate a portal and step out of dimension.

At the same time, I'm attending a bicycle race in Wales, the year being 1898. It's fast paced and exciting, and the bikes are those wonderfully odd large wheeled ones. A flare shoots up into the sky, burning white hot. That is a signal from the machine, an alarm and I don't know why it was triggered. I make my way to the cave where it is hidden.

2564 AD. The sun. The surface, to be precise. I have taken a holo-transpo to the surface of the sun to see it first hand. It is suprisingly underwhelming. There is very little to see when you're this close. Irrirrirrregardless (that's caught on linguistically, still makes no sense & is intentionally used out of context), a darklight viewscreen materializes beside me, alerting me to the fact that the time machine is now glowing bright red and requesting my immeadiate return. I project the trigger pattern, and am back on Earth 4. I remove the holo-transpo ring from my finger and head for the broom closet.

Vacation, in Sicily. It is on the 7th night there that I am awakened by something very strange - something that has not happened before.

The time machine, as usual, has been stored in a temporal closet. This is a tried and true method - you store the machine a fraction of a second just out of time, and it cannot be seen or felt*. I had stored it in the shed in which I’ve been sleeping. I awoke to the whir of its gears, and a soft, thudding bell sound. It was there, materialized, but I had not uttered the formula for it to reappear. It glowed a deep red - again, something it’s never done before.

In all cases, in all times, the same thing happens. I step on to the platform and look at the control screen and read the message. I read it again. And again.

I do not pack my things. I do not say goodbye.

I activate the circuits of the machine, and in flash of light, vanish.

*remember, you read it here first.

Spellbound

2010-01-05T18:09:00.007-05:00

Not a time travel post...soon...soon.

The first thing that i need to get out of the way here is that i love Doug Henning. Always have. Yeah, he dressed zany but who didn't back then? I used to love to watch anything from any of his TV magic specials as a kid. I did not ever have the chance to have seen him live, and i envy those who did.

If you showed someone a picture of him, and casually mentioned, "This guy single handedly brought magic back in to the public consciousness & made it cool again", they might doubt you.

But he did. He opened the doors for people like Penn & Teller, David Blaine, Copperfield, Lance Burton and plenty of others.

I know this. Maybe you know it. If you don't, you can know it too if you pick up a book titled "Spellbound: The Wonder-Filled Life of Doug Henning" by John Harrison. I bought it after Christmas as a present to myself and just finished it at about 2 a.m. last night. I really enjoyed the read.

The book details the life of Henning, with a great deal of focus on the 1970s and 1980s. You meet Doug as a kid bitten by the magic bug, tag along with him as he begins to gain noteriety and then sit there staring in wonder as his career skyrockets on Broadway, then onto TV, making him a household name. And then you see him eventually walk away from it all to pursue something that was far more important to him.

Interesting fact: for his first few specials, Henning insisted that they be filmed live. He did this because he believed that if people thought they were watching something prerecorded, then they'd believe that there was camera trickery afoot.

As mentioned before, Henning's career skyrocketed for years, and he eventually walked away from it all. He did so to dedicate himself entirely to the teachings of the Maharishi. Transcendental Meditation was his life. This was something that played a role in his life for many years, and his belief in the promises of both TM & the Maharishi eventually became the focus of his life. As crazy as some of those old ads are for the Natural Law Party, one thing should be understood: Doug Henning really believed it all.

This might seem crazy, or strange at the very least, but in away, it's kind of beautiful. Now, i don't subscribe to the teachings of the Maharishi. Doug Henning did. Henning was a guy who believed in wonder. He wanted you to believe in wonder. The Maharishi told people that if they followed his teachings, they would be able to achieve wonderful things. To this end, it was almost a given that a guy like Doug Henning might follow the teachings of the Maharishi with all of his heart. And, according to the people who knew him best, Henning died a happy man.

One of the nicest parts of this book is that you get a sense, a very strong sense, that the guy Doug Henning was on stage - kind, wonder-filled, naive, honest - is exactly the guy he was in real life. He was just being himself. I think that's a really nice thing.

HNY

2010-01-01T11:30:00.003-05:00

Once again, the editors wish to wish you a Happy New Year & hope that you had a nice time where ever you were. We chose to spend New Year's Eve in the year 3001 (like 2001 but with more apes & bigger stone slabs).

Oh - by the way - for a taste sensation that you will doubt (but then love), try eating a piece of dark chocolate with Stilton cheese. I know, you think it would be disgusting, but i swear it's the taste sensation for twenty-ten!!